30.3.05
the transition will soon be complete.
IT is almost April, which means that it will soon be May, otherwise known as the month I meet Jon Stewart.

I have had several recurring dreams about this moment. I am just waking up from one now. We are usually in a classroom of some sort after his show, and he usually thinks I am a giant asshole.

I ask him to sign my book "To Lyndsey, heart Professor Eddie Furlong." He doesn't laugh. He doesn't get it.

or I tell him I don't have basic cable and ask him if there is anything he can do. He then stars blankly for the cruelest second in history, and then says, "what? do you want it or something? I can't do anything about that."

or I forget my book and he has to wait while I dig through everything in the room to find it.

I am seriously SO WEIRDLY obsessed with this guy. And more particularly, the possible moment I could be face-to-face with him in real life. It's totally strange. I love him so much that i'm afraid I might do something weird or crazy that would scar or maim us both for life. Like Lenny with his soft soft puppy in the barn. Or worse, I'll do something totally mediocre that will leave me cringing alone the rest of my earthly days.

Either way, I know I won't be able to watch the hilarious comedy of the Daily Show ever again without breaking down into tears over what I've done.

In this last dream though, I did make everyone in the "audience" laugh because I made a very Stewart-like gesture. I think he chuckled. It was the warmest, most welcoming feeling in the world.

But here's the thing. I have seen Stewart on TV, and I have seen him laugh at Paula Abdul. If he can fake it for her, then he can fake it for me. All i want is for one split second to be funny to the most funniest man on television! But i'll have to be quick. We'll most likely be in some sort of book-signing situation. Anybody got any clever one-liners I could zing to get a chuckle out of him? I'm not too proud to steal, that's for damn sure. Help a desperate woman out!
posted by Class of 2000 officers @ 8:34 AM  
6 Comments:
  • At 30 March, 2005 07:28, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I bet that he will think that you are as beautiful as I do. He will probably love you just as much as everyone else who knows you. I love you and your blog.

     
  • At 30 March, 2005 13:25, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    He will probably laugh if you say something suspiciously anti-semitic, like "Man, you Jews and your comedy."

     
  • At 30 March, 2005 19:32, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, this is Lyndsey. I want to know what you are doing tomorrow afternoon. I called you a few weeks ago, but you never called back so I am not sure if I got the right cell number. Anyways call me if you free...(937)623.2135

     
  • At 31 March, 2005 08:58, Blogger Class of 2000 officers said…

    hey lynds..on my way to work till 6 :(

    i think i remember getting a message from you a long time ago, but don't take it personally because, as many here can attest,(tell her girls) I suck worse than anyone on the planet at calling people back. it's like a disease. sorry lady. want to get together later for a lunch date?

     
  • At 31 March, 2005 20:43, Blogger crankin said…

    in regard to the questioning comment in regard to wether or not talya and are are still lesbians... well, we would have had to be lesbians at some other point in time to be lesbians now, and since that is not the case, than no, we are not lesbians, together or seperately.

    i think that we should all go camping. or if you all still want to, akron is a happening place. call me, we will work something out. and yes, lyndsey fellers, i will vouch for the teter butt... she is terrible about calling people back. dont take it personally.

    dinner with the johnsons... anytime. i will disshovel and rearrange my life for this. top priority!

     
  • At 01 April, 2005 08:20, Blogger Sweet T said…

    It would be funny if everyone really did think we were lesbians though... I don't mean like funny great just plain funny.
    Am I included in this hanging out? I don't want to go camping... does that make me excluded?

     
Post a Comment
<< Home
 
About Me

Name: Class of 2000 officers

Home: Columbus, Ohio, United States

About Me:
See my complete profile

Boiling down and dressing up mundane since 2004.

Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Proudly serving as Google's #3 reference for Megan Pringle hot since 2007, and Google's #2 reference for "claudia schiffer"+"gold pants" since 2007.

for our boss.
i'm glad you're here.
for public officials, etc.
welcome wagon.
buzz.

"The perfect amount ... of panache."

-- Blogspot's Mae Klingler

"Funny and insightful..."

--Diaryland's Lemonscarlet

"I read your blog the other day."

--Jim Woods, Dispatch reporter

"You're not putting that on the Internet, are you?"

--family and friends

we must stop meeting like this.
klingler. rankin. strader. Nadine. i talked to her once and she was hilarious. jessm. Do the Dew. newbie. SJP. welcome to earf. the original spiderman. not safe around house plants. pencils from heaven. aholeonapc. e-normal. nevada. Look, ma. KT. name without a face. knows how to party. secret reading. bobservations. filipiak boy. filipiak girl. My sis, the blonde. Wogan's Heroes.
on notice.
blagers.
blager girls. blager boy.
i heart internets.
passiveagressivenotes. apostrophe abuse. literally the best thing on the Web. too much cute.
previously on.
you saw it here first.
visuals.

theteet in pictures.

i heart internet two.
for pervs. freestyle nollie. free love freeway. NEW AMAZING FOOTAGE. jesus the hot air balloon. bubbles. aokusa. Gold Pants. fashion. Watch This Movie. the man who is always there for you is always here. Lambuel. cartoons. farming is fun!

I was on the front porch, drowning a mouse in a bucket when this van pulled up, which was strange.

my first lover

user guide.


Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.

Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.


Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.


Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.


Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.


Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.


Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.


Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.


Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.


Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.


Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.


Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.


Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.


Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.


Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.

Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.


Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.


Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.

BLOGGER