8.2.07
'cause you had a bad day...' Vol. II
Our pig was scheduled to be slaughtered around 1 p.m. on Thursday. When I got a call from Seth around 2:30 p.m., I took it as a bad sign that I could hear my little piggie grunting in the background.

From what I understand, it took about three hours longer than planned to coax the little hog up into the trailer. (He has always had an aversion to slopes.) But after several hard-boiled eggs, some chips and more than handful of marshmallows covered in A1 SteakSauce (his favorite) he eventually got tired and went to take a nap inside the straw-filled trailer.

Seth said something about a proper ramp and sure footing. And that the pig didn't have either. I'm not sure.

Anyway, so that's the end of that.

I'm a little sad. Not as sad as Seth. He had to take the little guy to the slaughter house while I was at work. I came home to a yard full of ruts and straw. And little piggie tracks all through the snow. The slaughterhouse people seemed kind and not crazy. I'm trying to get Seth to write a guest column.

But here's the deal.

The pig was not reluctant to get into the trailer because he knew it would talk him to the market. I know because I've Googled "do pigs have feelings" and "how self-aware are swine," etc. for several weeks now. Some would call it a result of the omnivore's dilemma.

There are a few basic truths that have come from raising and now killing this pig. I'm sure more will follow when we actually eat him:

1. There is a huge disconnect between humans and the things they consume.
2. This is not good.
3. You need to be aware of (and okay with) all cruelty associated with the food you eat and the goods you buy. Otherwise you're a good-for-nothing bastard. You probably enjoy a lot of things you don't deserve.
4. Animals are not humans.
4a. Animals do not think like humans. Unless the human is autistic.
5. Animals are servants.
5a. some animals, like Maybel, serve us best by staying alive, looking hilarious and barfing on the carpet.
5b. others, like the pig, serve us best at Sunday Brunch.
6. Animals should not subjected to cruelty:
6a. When animals are frightened before they die, the meat does not taste as good. Therefore, it is beneficial for animal killers to keep their livestock calm and to make the exit painless.
7. Tests have shown that when one pig watches another pig being slaughtered, its heart rate does not increase, and its chemicals do not change. Unless the pig is Hannibal Lecter, this suggests it does not know what's coming next.\\\

SO IN CONCLUSION,
Pigs: Hilarious when alive, delicious when dead.

So that's what I'm thinking.
What have you learned?

Labels: , ,

posted by Class of 2000 officers @ 2:25 PM  
1 Comments:
  • At 11 February, 2007 11:14, Blogger Merlin said…

    I'm with you 100 percent, Teter Bot. Anyone who isn't a vegetarian should have to take a 4-H livestock project at some point in their lives.

     
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Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.

Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.


Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.


Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.


Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.


Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.


Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.


Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.


Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.


Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.


Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.


Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.


Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.


Name: garth and jen.
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Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.


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Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.


Name: Dennis.
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Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
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