every two weeks: colleen's going-away party: or how i learned to love gays

23.5.08

colleen's going-away party: or how i learned to love gays

i hope you thought that was funny. it was really good to see everyone last night. i love remembering with you, and hearing your new stories. i still refuse to believe the one about the cats painted with the face of charlie chapman. and russia? seriously? what? also, thanks for being in my wedding. there was at least one crucial bridesmaid missing. i'd really like to see pictures of her mangled feet. as i become settled in Knox County (where the coffee shops spell Rwanda R-O-W-A-N-D-A) it has become clearer to me that there is a great divide, maybe even moreso than Red v. Blue between rural and urban people. they do not understand each other. whether it is guns or gays, as one who is straddling the divide, i must say that there is a lot of uneccesary fear on either side. if you've never had your hands on a gun or a gay, you're much more likely to fill in your own harrowing narrative. although arguably, guns have ruined more heterosexual marriage-family units than gays ever will. still, people are terrified. but as for you, urbanites, you suddenly hate traveling by automobile, which is a sensitive issue for me. if you don't live within walking distance of your work, according to NPR, you don't get to spend as much time with your family (you hate your kids), you spend more time burning gas (you hate the earth) and you spend less time exercising? (you hate your body). while i do agree that theteet's carbon footprint is slightly oversized, my husband and i make up for our transgressions by growing our own food. can you imagine the packaging and the shipping and the labor we've saved? i'd be curious to see how much of a dent that makes in our carbon budget. anyway, you can't really do that in the city. and there are no jobs in the country. the suburbs are the worst of both worlds. that being said, rural dwellers, stop whining about gas prices. you made your bed. lie in it. Jon Stewart frequently speaks to these rural v. urban tensions, only he equates the entire midwest, the 'heartland,' as 'rural.' he makes fun of the media for referring to the midwest as the common man's america, and then his New York audience laughs and applauds wildly, because they think their votes are being written off as less important than the working class types. but that west virginian woman on the show the other night, though. the 'i've had enough of that hoo-sein'? that's hilarious. "West Virginia's new slogan?" stewart said. "No Interviews Please." but some of us are educated and trying to live sustainable yet simple lives, you may cry into your television. look at our arts scene! we read the newspapers! i forget where i was going with this. i think my point is that we need to walk a mile in each other's shoes? don't count your chickens before they've hatched? a bird in the hand is worth a bushel of smaller birds? oh, and that i effing hate it when jon stewart panders to his audience. he has become everything he hates.

posted by Class of 2000 officers @ 12:58 PM

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Name: Class of 2000 officers Home: Columbus, Ohio, United States About Me: See my complete profile Boiling down and dressing up mundane since 2004. Proudly serving as Google's #3 reference for Megan Pringle hot since 2007, and Google's #2 reference for "claudia schiffer"+"gold pants" since 2007.
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Name: Seth Alias: Teth Seter or Steter. In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy. Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.' Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows. Name: Maybel Alias: The Pig or Boobles. In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006. Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat. Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing. Name: Amanda Alias: The Sister. In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007. Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds. Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie. Name: mom and dad. Alias: the 'rents. In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear. Hates: hospitals. Loves: squirrels and lattes. Name: Mae Alias: Klingler or Maddog. In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry. Hates: Hate. Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening. Name: Colleen Alias: Crankin and Rankin. In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging. Hates: all drivers. Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange. Name: Talya Alias: Strader and Sweet T. In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet. Hates: people who do not comment on her blog. Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista. Name: Chris Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine. In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures. Hates: people who are looking the other way. Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms. Name: pdawg. Alias: none needed. In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency. Hates: anyone under the age of 35. Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf. Name: Linsly. Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie. In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother. Hates: sexual predators. Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes. Name: jaydubs. Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking. In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world. Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office. Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil. Name: jessica. Alias: jessm. In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now. Hates: poverty. Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts. Name: brittiny. Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap. In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take. Hates: visible pany line. Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard. Name: garth and jen. Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere. In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots. Hates: local broadcast news reporters. Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice. Name: Angie. Alias: captain cool. In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator. Hates: joe and misogynists. Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus. Name: Melville. Alias: welcome to earf or bad town. In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me. Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird. Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits. Name: The Gerish. Alias: The Gerish. In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall. Hates: Things that aren't crackers. Loves: crackers. Name: Dennis. Alias: secret reading. In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming. Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard. Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.