26.6.07
Logistics and tow guys can suck it.
Seth has been in New York the past three days.

Did I already tell you this?

Other things I know:

It costs $55 to pay a professional to break into your car.

For the Second Year in a Row, Steter won the American Farm Bureau's Most Awesome Story Ever Award. This time, it was for mints, or The Man Who Inspired Me to Carry A Picture of My Wife in My Wallet at All Times (Although the Girl From The Cardigans is Still Really Hot) but Who Also Was A Tea Farmer, as I have playfully titled it.

Although a dynamite feature writer, Seth's powers of observation in the wee morning hours are, at times, lacking. Sunday morning, while recovering from a night of revelry with a fun group of kids in Washington Court House's Woody's Cafe, I got a phone message.

"Just wanted to let you know that your purse is in my car at the (Port Columbus International) airport."

For those of you keeping track at home, although typical, this was problematic because it was Sunday, I was in Bangs, and the keys to my Honda were in my purse locked inside my husband's car at the airport in Columbus. A taxi to Columbus would cost more than $40. But I wouldn't be able to pay it anyway. My purse was locked in my husband's car. at the airport. In Columbus.

So.

Call in Super Sister, who drove out to Bangs.

Hearing preliminary estimates, Amanda "I'll break your windows before I'll let you pay some tow truck asshole $55 to get into your car," Johnson and I did some Internet research and spent about an hour practicing breaking into the Honda.

With a car full of supplies (crowbar, wire hangers, garden hoe -- hey, why not -- stick used to roast marshmallows, wooden shims, putty knife and finishing corners for drywall) we set out for row 16b in the Long-Term Blue Lot with angry girl country music blaring in the background.

Next time he'll think before he cheats? Sure, why not.

I can only imagine what the people watching us from the security towers were thinking, but no one stopped us. A wandering businesswoman gave me the stink eye until I told her "this is my car, I promise." She told us not to worry because she "couldn't find her car anyway."

There were a few tense moments, specifically when Amanda "got it halfway!" only to knock it back in with premature enthusiasm. Also stated, crowbar in hand: "Oh crap, my boob just fell out of my bra!" as, I imagine, all great crimefighter femme duos have uttered at one point or another.

Finally, after a brief pillow fight, with the crowbar/wire hanger combo, we unlocked the door with minimal damage to Seth's car. Panic set in as I discovered my keys were not actually in my purse, but they were quickly located in Seth's soccer bag in the trunk. Amen.

The whole thing only cost $11 to get out of the lot.

Can you feel that Broad and James Towing?
Feels good, doesn't it? You like that dontcha?

Labels: ,

posted by Class of 2000 officers @ 8:10 PM  
3 Comments:
  • At 27 June, 2007 11:56, Blogger HS Nothingswronghere said…

    Even though this was on Sunday, I guess it excuses your absence from ComFest on Saturday.
    You should kick yourself for missing the dollhead toilet, though.

     
  • At 28 June, 2007 13:11, Blogger WJ Melville said…

    With Comfest, there are no excuses - there was even an Experimental Dater sighting.

    I got the "we'll meet in a field with beer in hand" e-mail earlier in the week and the second denial Saturday evening with a plan to show up Sunday.

    The only excuse is that you were too tempted to write a column about it and were afraid it might knock mine out of the rotation...

     
  • At 28 June, 2007 14:39, Blogger Sweet T said…

    Another 4 points granted.

     
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I was on the front porch, drowning a mouse in a bucket when this van pulled up, which was strange.

my first lover

user guide.


Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.

Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.


Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.


Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.


Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.


Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.


Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.


Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.


Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.


Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.


Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.


Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.


Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.


Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.


Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.

Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.


Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.


Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.

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