First, someone sent the Dispatch an internal memo. No one knows who that someone is. Except for the Baby Jesus. And the ten people who sent this person the internal memo.
Isn't Max Brown the coolest publisher name ever? He's the man whose name you'd love to touch. But you mustn't touch. His name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it, you mustn't fear. 'Cause his name can be said by anyone.
Oh my gawd I've been waiting ten years to post that.
(hi new boss!!) (:P) (!!!!!)
Tomorrow they will tell us the rest. Also, I should have gone to the dentist last week.
Today I received an email from my university's parking division, informing me of citations past. My favorite is No. 2 (of 5...oops) See if you can fill in the narrative. Also, remember when I drove a Ford Taurus? Weird. fyi, Trans BRS = towed!
2: Citation: P2007601 Issue Date: FEB 4 2002 Issue Time: 10:34 AM Location: PRESIDENT'S HOUSE Violation: PERMIT NOT DISPLAYED
on spending part of the weekend with girlfriends who knew me in college, part II.
Overall, I'd call this a much more successful visit than last time. The ladies and I had a pretty rad gathering in Porkopolis on Saturday. Everyone has really cute hairdos.
We began our journey with a trip across the river to the Party Source, where I ran into Blake Cannon. Weird.
Arms loaded with alcohol (shut up -- it's discount!) we went back to Mae's for some grilled-food action. turkey burgers and zucchini. She made us some guacamole and an apple pie from scratch. We loved her.
We spent the meal reminiscing mostly about the time Mae moved Colleen's car, all the times I've shit on my boyfriends and more generally, the problem with homosexual men. Talya attempted to set the record straight on many items, but to no avail.
"I did what?? Nooo...." was a common phrase heard throughout the night. It seems we have all romanticized our characters as we've moved on from college. or maybe just me. Anyway it's nice to be reminded of the bad times. Keeps us grounded.
For some reason, we started drinking at like 3:30 p.m. and it became apparent we weren't going out on the town anytime soon, so we took a walk around the neighborhood. we smoked a cigar between us and accidentally made an really awesome band photo. one of the fancier houses had a killer poodle that never really attacked.
When the kids went to bed, the grown-ups had some foot rubs. No chocolates or strawberries this time, but Mae provided ultra-thin socks. I hope I'm not pregnant.
After morning coffee and Amish Friendship Bread, if I'm not mistaken, when we had said our goodbyes, Mae made me go to church.
A lady anointed me with oil and gave me 'faith' (Mae got 'healing') and i pretty much tried to hide the fact that i was crying like a little baby the entire service. mae told me it was alright and put a hand on my shoulder most of the way.
I can't figure out why i was not immediately turned off by this megachurch. maybe because i was awed by the free coffee and the wifi. it was seriously like COSI. the kids have this built-in playground apparatus, there were weird instruments and the lady who sang on the Lord of the Rings soundtrack led worship. People wore harnesses and hung from the ceilings in floating white boxes!
they had a spontaneous baptism, and i swear, all three levels of seating jumped in. we were going for the oil when we almost got in the water line. how embarrassing. we were almost spontaneously baptised.
in other words, it was exactly like Knox County. what i meant to say was My God, it's good to have a positive influence in my life.
i forgot to mention how Colleen and Talya let me pour out my entire life story on them during the entire trip down to Cincinnati. they should be credited. they were not surprised.
i was parking when the horn started the race. must've been an 8:59:59 start. so i was the last person to begin, but not the last person to finish. like our graduation ceremony, only reversed.
that is my new strategy -- start last and pass all the lames/mommies with toddlers/wheezy guys. makes me feel like the wind.
i finished at 35:36, but by the time i had raced to the registration tent, filled out the forms, signed my name, pinned on my number and put my goodie bag in the car, just over five minutes had been eaten up from the clock. oops. so I'm happy with a 30-minute 3-miler with no stretching, preparation or water. It's how I roll, baby. I wonder how much i'll run next weekend.
afterward, there were bagels, bill melville, danishes, a bulldog and ham samiches. best. free. 5k. ever.
I'm sorry. That last post was a little too dramatic. I was just trying to boost ratings there, I think.
There is some crazy shit going on at work, but the words will probably sound worse for other more experienced staffers, so whatever. nothing has been confirmed inside the building anyway. knowing nods and general glazed-over looks notwithstanding. plus there are some beat changes ahead.
I'm not sure if notwithstanding was what I really meant.
Anyway, in recognition of theteet.blogspot.com's upcoming 500th post, I have begun drafting a user manual with a glossary of terms. that way Megan Pringle and Monique Ming Laven can know what the hell they are reading about when they visit.
So far I have defined "Bangs," "Steter" and "Maybel." Better Know My Friends will be an important part of this.
I think theteet.blogspot.com should have a weekly news quiz. maybe a vodcast. stay tuned.
jessm -- This congrats is long overdue. Alaska sounds insane. I will picture you in level 7 of Super Mario Bros. 3. I hope you will have better luck than Luigi on those zany ice elevators! I want to hear more.
waters -- This congrats is probably properly-timed. Sounds like a perfect gig for you. Hopefully I'll see you at bars.
everyone else -- Welcome to the jungle.
I took a nap in my car just after 3 a.m. No use going to amanda's apartment for two hours between deadlines. And anyway, johnny hulk's office wasn't as comfortable as I had originally planned. I have on the same clothes as yesterday. Is that something I should be ashamed of? I feel like I've talked to or heard from a lot of people in the last 12 hours. That is pretty dangerous, considering the circumstances.
Colleen is going to be here Saturday at noon. Talya might be coming. I have not yet spoken with Mae. The excitement builds.
Gramps is at a nursing home in WCH. Not sure how that is working out exactly.
Somewhere, in a dark back room, my work computer is being un-corrupted. Has anyone seen that final draft?
I'm intersetd to see how all everything shakes out.
guys, it's 12:24 a.m. and Katie, Khalilia and I are watching Scrubs at work. In seven more hours, i will have been working for 24 hours. i have yet to turn in my freelance work that was technically due friday. amanda needed a ride to school today. i saw the transponders explode shortly before the lights went out all over the nations.
there was a power outage more than an hour ago. we are waiting to file our stories in the giant news server. the power came back on just before the colbert report began, but we have to wait for chuckles the techie guy to restart the system.
it would've made a good scene in a movie. i was slouching in the cafeteria in an inappropriate position for a girl wearing a long skirt in the dark when the lights flickered and there was a black and white checkered floor. i'm just saying that zach braff would've appreciated it and likely used it in his next movie if he had been filming.
i am not going to bother editing this or anything else i'm waiting to write tonight. you have just entered the 'don't look twice' zone. normally sentances like this end up on the cutting room floor.
chuckles the tech guy has just been roused from his sleepy slumber. apparently, the production people did not wake him an hour ago as has previously been thought. it takes a village. it takes a village.
one day when you come here there will be good news.
"Do you have a photo of your slain professor?" says reporter.
"What?" says communications person for the university. " ... I was in Norris Hall. I just got my computer back today. I'm in a temporary office. I don't even have a pen!"
Monday grandpa passed out in the yard. 100-percent Reliable Fayette Memorial sent him home with a candy bar and told him to rest up. Earlier today his legs went numb and the ambulance took him to the hospital. They did a Catscan and again told him to go home and rest up. Just as aunt donna and uncle mike had him settled, they ordered a pizza. The doc called around 5 and told him there was bleeding on the brain in two spots, a handful of hematomas, etc., and that, 'by they way, come back to the hospital because we are going to life-flight you to Riverside in Columbus.'
Once back in the friendly halls of Riverside, a few doors down from my sister's old room, we learned that the spots on the Catscan might be from a long time ago. Grandpa was born on March 15, 1919. He winked at me and asked about the pig. Within seconds, five out of six of my grandpa's children, and many of his children's children, were on hand. We filled a waiting room. Many of these people live far away but happened to be in town at the time.
At least they have good timing with their brain bleeds. The usual thing with the waiting and the watching for the next few days. The nurse recognized my mother.
Amanda, consequently, had been at Riverside all morning for a check-up.
Everyone remains skeptical of certain medical professionals.
I am considering purchasing a VIP parking spot near the hospital cafeteria.
and amputees are competitive in triathlons, I know it doesn't seem like much, but I ran eight miles last night in an hour and a half. That's averaging 11-12 minute miles, which is right on track for May's Half-Marathon I Have Not Yet Fully Committed Myself To. For now I am thankful to have two arms and two legs and two lungs, even. and a tube of Giant Eagle's Generic Muscle Rub Cream. Minty-fresh!
Maybe there are more useful, humanitarian ways to burn energy, but for me, anything that involves doing something other than what my body wants at the moment should be nurtured and encouraged.
this portion of my blog has been brought to you by Baiting for Compliments: I know You Can Deliver.
Knowing his love for the saltine, the kids had challenged him to eat six crackers in one minute. He did not complete the feat, but as Jeffery Konczal has captured here, there was a moment during the second attempt when The Gerish had hope.
Never have I been so disappointed to be out on assignment.
Every 2.5 years, I get this really strong urge to get a tattoo. In follows naturally that every three years i think, 'wow. i'm really glad i didn't get a tattoo."
I'm on the upswing again, and now that I have an audience, I'd like to ask which dagger combo you'd prefer to look at on my impending back/shoulder blade tattoo. Remember that year I had my nose pierced? I don't think anyone took a single picture of me during this misguided time in my life.
So anyway, probably the scorpion dagger? although the panther dagger is always tempting.
steter: I saw your boyfriend today. l-jo: which one? jon husted? steter: no. l-jo: bill hershey? steter: no. dan williamson. l-jo: not as hot in real life? steter: yeah. he looks like a nice enough guy. like a pharmacist's apprentice. l-jo: steter: anyway i imagine him more in a smock. at the dentist's office? or maybe he's sweeping the front porch of a general store somewhere. l-jo: steter: do you think if i introduced myself as lyndsey teter's husband, he would know who i was talking about? l-jo: lord i hope not.
Ladies and gentleman, this is J-Wray. Cub reporter and senior writer at SNP/CoMo/TOP/CEO/every other publication housed within these walls sans Mid Ohio Golfer(1998-2007)
You will know her by the way she loves bunnies. and vegetables. but not mushrooms. doesn't trust the texture.
To deter her from publishing "A blog explaining why Lyndsey Teter is Pure Evil," or at least to make her feel bad while she puts the finishing touches on it, I've decided to make all-encompassing list of the things I love most about Miss J-Wray.
1. She and her boyfriend Kyle are gay together. 2. J-Wray is very eloquent. She uses adult words that mesmerize me. Not "adult" like "porn" but "adult" like "one who has lived enough to maintain a decent vocabulary." 3. She is dynamite crafter. I have seen shirts, hand towels, necklaces, scarves -- and one time she told me about this baby bib she made that was totally underappriciated but likely very awesome. 4. She has a maximum capacity for crazy personal news. It's pretty much a guarantee she will not throw hot tea in your face at the Chinese restaurant. 5. She has hilarious foot-in-the-mouth disease. 6. She lets me make uninformed jokes about Judaism, vegetarians and groups associated with preventing cruelty to animals. 7. She has a compassion for animals that could rival PETA. Except she's not a total loony tune. (!) Once, there was this baby bird at the side of the road and she almost rescued it. If only we could channel that good will toward beast, bottle it and sprinkle it near the Middle East, there would be no more war. 8. She pretty much invented *this* 9. Cappuccino glasses, headbands, socks and ballerina shoes from target, among others. 10. An inclination for puns.
This list has been truncated. I can't tell you about what she told me on a car ride to Cincinnati. And I can't really waste a bullet point on how fun her dog is. Or her boyfriend's band. or her cupcakes. from scratch! Anyway, you get the idea.
This should be developed into a 431-part series. Better Know My Friends, anyone?
i had been worried that all these treadmill miles in front of the televisions had cheapened my existence. but i ran a comfortable 5 miles on the real road last night.
i could have gone longer, but i found myself back at home and taking "another spin around the block" tacks on the equivalent of at least 3 miles.
things i have forgotten about while training inside a cushy gym: 1. wind 2. small rocks 3. Ford trucks
if i can run 10 miles just once in the next three weeks, i've decided I'll go ahead and run the half in May, despite totally dropping the training program and picking up smoking for a month. what's the worst that could happen?
yikes. I don't want to speak too soon, but Jesus and I have been on two very lovely Sunday morning dates in the past two weeks. I know I need to wait two days before I call and ask him out again, but I'm excited. I think he might be The One. Plus it has been way too long since I've made a causingmetostumble.com joke, which, behind eternal salvation, I would argue is the No. 2 perk for believing in Christ.
We went to a tiny little country church where physical ailments on the prayer list outnumbered the congregation 2 to 1 and the discussion about so-and-so's arthritis "which really turned out to be bursitis" went on for at least 20 minutes.
Although there were no baby baptisms this morning, (we were the only ones there under 85) there was an adorable old man who, after hearing the the preacher's comments about "weather so cold the buzzards had retreated," informed the crowd loudly that "aw hell -- the buzzards never left!"
he obviously had his hearing aide down and made similarly entertaining comments throughout the sermon. afterward he made a joke about living "just off the square" in Bangs, which, for those thus uninformed, does not exist. I loved this man.
the strangest part about the whole thing was the collection for "Nothing but Net," a program to provide African families with chemically-treated mosquito netting. What? That seems like way too hip a cause for this church. Is Bono here? Those white ear buds might not have been hearing aides after all...
other things i have enjoyed this weekend include: diners. The more chair rail in a restaurant, the greater my happiness eating there. Knick knacks are a bonus, too, especially if they are holiday-related. if you're ever in the Knox county area, I recommend High Restaurant and Spearman's Restaurant of Howard. Yes, Howard.
and: babies other people make. especially chunky ones. Jacob's Second gave me a chance to snuggle with several tiny dynamite human cuddlers. we call this guy "Little Brando." His parents are rail-thin marathon runners. Kate's breast milk must be that good. Looks like he's losing a sock, there, little man. Hilarious.
Seth just laid a large conglomerate of bricks at my feet as a symbol of his devotion. I took it more as a symbol that the chimney is on its way down and there is likely a hole in our roof. I am a bitch, though, so.
Gots to go see what we're getting into now.
In the meantime, it has been said that in real life, I am "just kind of silly and incoherent," but on my blog, I seem "somewhat witty." Discuss.
it's the sound of our heater coming on for the first time in a month, amen.
for those of you keeping track at home, this is the necessary formula for heat: two trips to Lowe's ($45), one fun and dangerous gas leak ($0.37 per cubic foot) -- fyi, remember to turn the open flame on the kerosene heater off before you fill your home with natural gas -- and 0.5 hours of terrified crying in the bathroom (free!).
we're getting better at this.
The most important heating ducts are operational for now. it's not the most energy efficient home in america, but i don't think i can see my breath and i'm not even in the safe room.
I also began to clean out the garage today. there is still a little Percy in places you wouldn't dream of.
if i could, i would give you what you're looking for.
there is a song on Angie's profile that i am obsessed with. i have officially been reprimanded by two different humans for listening to it too much. but now i'm at sister's apartment, and no one is here to prevent it.
ok. i think i've officially looked at everything on the internet.
while looking for more information about louis badalement, i found these two blogs:
From the archives of the No.1 blogster to the right:
7.15.2004 The old B.C.
This story could be long and drawn out, but I've decided it will be most effective verbatim:
Mae: Lyndsey, did you take your pill today? Lyndsey: Don't have to. It's my week off. Mae: You should probably do it anyway, just to keep in the habit. Lyndsey: Well, I would, but you and (name deleted for his protection...we'll call him Mr. X) ate all my birth control!
Let it be said that a) it was the placebo sugar pill part of the pack and b) it's not like I was sitting there just snacking on orthotricyclen. I just wanted to prove to her that it wouldn't make Mr. X and I sterile, that's all.
7.10.2004 This is just to say... I have not forgotten about you. I have moved to Columbus where cable and Internet temporarily do not exist. Don't be afraid. It's not permanent. I hear Cincinnati has this dubya dubya dot everyone's talkin' about. Let this tide you over for the time being. It's a conversation between me and Lyndsey.
Mae: Lyndsey, that guy over there...on the bench...do you think he's homeless or just enjoying nature?
Lyndsey: Well...he has a pillow. And an extra pair of shoes, doesn't he?
I've moved to Columbus and according to my dad just a block away from where his high school buddies used to go to see "the whores."
I'll be back with more soon. I've got lots to say about Au Bon Pain and urinals. It's not laziness this time. It's availability.
Do you guys remember how I didn't pay taxes last year?
I got confused about being married and ended up claiming Seth as a dependent for the entire year of 2005.
After owing Uncle Sam, like, $500 last year, I switched the all-important number on my 1040 (that 0,1 or 2 really does matter) and the government began withholding money from my paycheck. or so i thought.
Last night, during our internet tax/pizza party, seth and i discovered we owed $2,100. Does anyone understand how this is possible? I don't really know anything about tax brackets, but I'm pretty sure we are not rich.
We tried several programs and each time, the $2,100 figure came back to haunt us. Our finances are pretty simple, I thought. Lots of interest payments = a handful of deductions. My company pays me in canned goods, etc.
This fee is problematic now for the following reasons:
1.) the temperature is 25 degrees below normal for this time of year, and shows no signs of warm-up, thanks, Crystal "the C***" Davis. 2.) we have a hole in our plywood floors and a chimney that needs to come down. 3.) we have disconnected the heating ducts that were once supported by aforementioned missing floor. 4.) the necessary gas lines and electricity required for HVAC are currently disabled. 5.) We had that money in savings to address items 2-4. 6.) May mortgage 7.) new brake pads for the Honda 8.) groceries 9.) marriage
and ... this is when it really gets good...
this morning, while i was in the shower, seth informed me the water was backed up and emptying out into the basement. we had a feeling that was going to happen. and i think Maybel has another health problem, which we will not go into detail here.
My immediate reaction is hysteric, uncontrollable laughter. Seth is more of a "punch through the wall," kind of guy as of late. At least that one has to come down anyway.
In conclusion, there have been a handful of trials in the new year. Most of them are self-inflicted.
You're testin' me, Killee McGee!!!
Despite all, I feel a really strange comfort. If I was a religous woman, I'd say it feels like hope. But i'm not, remember? I'll just attribute it to the fifth of Vodka I had for breakfast.
hey. do you see that bar of light green on the right side of the "every two weeks" text?
i don't know how that got there, and i don't know how to get rid of it. it must've happened when i put all those people on notice. damn internet karma.
techies, look into my template and tell me what you see.
if you think you can help, i'll send you my html in a word document. two hours is all i'm willing to waste on this.
you haven't lived until you've watched her prepare, refrigerate and eat. i know the hispanic heritage does not immediately pop from her name, but she must have learned it somewhere. summer camp in Granville? anyway, i have attempted to replicate this process on several different occasions, but to no avail.
Additional observations:
For some reason, in email conversations, lawyers always refer to me as "L." They also sign their names with "T" or "R" or "B," depending on the circumstance. Is this self-taught?
Bloggers who posted their youthful amazing pictures get 56 points each. Actually, Lin gets three additional points for those glasses.
This makes me happy. Chinese water colors + musical narrative = always pleasing. Props to Bill "Master of the Mixed Tape" Melville. This song might be old or new, but I had not heard it .
i respect your right to lead a normal life and pursue the dreams of your choosing. however, being on stage in some sort of producsion where spotlights and publicity are encouraged ...... this is not the best place to hide from you estranged husband. also, thanks for the press release and subsquent "canceling" of the story. your life struggles are not at all incovienent for me.
i know this will come as a huge shock to everyone, but i am not really into them. there is a chart in heaven that shows how after a certain body mass, as percentage of muscle tone increases, capacity for love decreases. it's just too much to overcome when trying to get turned on. call me idealistic.
a similar equation exists with a man's knowledge of cars. as it increases, the more likely he is to impregnate a teenager. but i digress.
that being said, Roger Huerta.
forget everything I've ever said. i love him.
The fam and I joined Ashland's finest at BW3s Saturday night to catch a UFC match.
UFWhaaa? I know.
At first, I was more than skeptical about this scenario. there were several groups of bearded long-haired dudes who had arrived early and were hitting on the waitresses when we sat down at our table. i knew in 20 minutes or so, Joe Rogan would explain how some boys were kicking the crap out of each other.
but then, something strange happened.
my sister explained the rules and some biographical information about some of the fighters. i noticed that before and after the matches, the fighters would sometimes sit in the middle of the ring and chat with each other. apparently "mixed martial artists" have deep respect for one another. in the "main event" the giant french-canadian fighter got knocked out by the tiny american guy in the first round.
in other words, i am a giant UFC fan now. once a month, i might consider buying a $45 pay-per-view fight. and now that UFC has incorporated Pride, we should get some really good match-ups. i can't wait to root loudly against the minority/foreign fighter.
Strangely enough, Joe Rogan came up again at church.
If there were a top ten list for 'signs you are missing your relationship with Jesus Christ,' I think 'crying at a cheesy Easter play at your parents giant mega-church' would be No. 1. Tears also attempted to flow through the 'Fear Factor'-themed sermon. wow.
seriously, the sermon was alright, but my reaction was pathetic.
whenever i encounter any type of Holy Spirit of the Lord Almighty, my instant reaction is uncontrollable tears. this is particularly hilarious because crying in front of people is, to me, way worse than being naked. so i yawn, i fake allergies and irritants, i rub my eyes, i do everything to hide the fact that the water might be coming out of my upper face area. but to no avail. pride usually falls, and then i'm post-partum kirstie alley.
i tell you this now because i'm secretly glad that god has the power to break me down like that. most men -- and even some guitar-wielding ladies -- can't do it. i said SOME.
so church was nice. does anybody else have anything to talk about?
not quite the pictures you're looking for, but i'd argue this is much better.
for those not in the loop, the large, glass Y2K sign was the pride and joy of the senior picture studio. they scraped and dragged that thing into the background of like 17 pictures...leaned against the tree, floating on the lily brook. it was everywhere. had to get their return on investment before the computers froze and the world ended, i suppose.
also, i was a cheerleader. bummer, i know. Washington Court House Blue Lions took forever to spell out in pom poms.
i expect similar uploads from other bloggers making the trip home for easter.
twenty eight degrees, feels like fourteen. the space heater is on in the bathroom, where seth is blow drying maybel -- 'she has the shivers.'
this is hilarious.
meanwhile, in ashland, amanda says 'dad is giving me his "i'm staring at you what are you doing" look.' apparently he's also doing the thing where 'he starts to sing the wrong words to some random song and then just fades out and starts muttering nonsense to himself.' Charlie, the German Shepard/lab mix, is barking at the sweeper, and the television volume is at an all-time Johnson High. So they can hear it over the sweeper, naturally.
I'm pleased to announce that Chris has re-entered the world of the internets. I am thinking about taking him off notice. Monsterbeard, you were thisclose to getting the heat. ('the heat' is best described with an image of me furiously clicking through your archives while chugging a yoo-hoo, but i would have done it (again)...)
Anyway good work. Keep it up. Or else.
Last night the Steter and I enjoyed a variety of cheese dips and the company of these people, who thoroughly terrified me with talk of kindergarteners who throw rocks at pregnant ladies and trash cans at principals. I can't wait until they are old enough to drink and drive.
For those of you who weren't wondering, no. the house in Bangs does not have a heating system at the moment. We're sporting this whole "open floor plan" thing where the basement up through the second story are not so much "seperated by floors." It was 38 degrees in the house this morning. So cold, in fact, that we were forced to gather a variety of 2X4s to support what's left of the stairs long enough for us to crawl up them and shimmy over the giant chasm. We started a small fire in the center of the bed and huddled around it all night.
Poor Maybel did some sort of summer temperatures dance, and we are holding out hope her milkshake will bring all the degrees to the yard.
*Editor's Note: We at theteet.blogspot.com have received word from our readership that this post makes no sense whatsoever. A note of explanation. The graphic presented above is a cache shot of recent stats from my sitemeter. As you can see, March was a great month. Hits came in well beyond 1,000. This is at least partially attributed to family members and friends of my sister, who were directed here from her Myspace page for all the latest updates on the condition of her brain.
The increased site traffic is the silver lining in my sister's AVM.
In recognition of our gratitude for your loyal, and sometimes daily surfing to my Web log, I suggested we "get in the van," and head over to "Pizza Hut." I chose that venue because, beginning in 1985, Pizza Hut was a destination spot for well-earned rewards. Personal Pan Pizzas were the prize in the memorable "Book-It," program, where kids got free pizza for reading a certain number of books each month. That's just like this, only without the badges and the star stickers.
maybel got doublecheeseburger all over my gym towel
Tuesdays are hard, especially when Maybel is in town and we're both craving doublecheeseburgers!
earlier this afternoon, i paid a man to cut my hair. the best part about the whole thing is the shampooing and the blow-drying and the combing. there are a few people here who understand my feelings toward having fingers on or near my head. 'chop just a few more inches, would ya sir?' is always a total ploy. who's the sucka now?
Everyone is particularly hilarious when it matters today, except for me.
Notables:
*In her description of Look,Ma as a tiny child, Mae pictures her as smiley and into something very unique, like praying mantises or something. She probably learned to dive before all of the other kids ... that's why she's No. 1, folks.
*In an email discussion, pdawg predictably turned to old man references as our conversation hit an all-too-familiar "Rick Springfield" snag. "The music was like Maroonbox 34, times 1,000," he says. that's Good Charlotte T-Shirt cute.
*Captain Cool, also known as the Second Thing I've Ever Lost to Youngstown, notified me that while reading her police beats, she discovered a cop had pulled a dude over when he noticed the dude was waving. the cop thought the dude was trying to get his attention. We were all happy to learn that the dude "was just listening to the Insane Clown Posse." Priceless.
*Also making the cut is Garth's Shiv v. Shank discussion, which is still being heavily debated in the newsroom. I think Richard just yelled. seriously.
seth and i have this great idea for a television show.
it's called 'and you thought you were a f*ck up...'
the basic premise of 'and you thought you were a f*ck up...' involves a series of people who eff up their lives generally, while the rest of us sit back and feel better about ourselves. this will not be jerry springer. this will be white collar, i.e., the greater the potential a person has, and the more reckless they are with said potential, the better the episode.
we're still sorting out the pilot, but we're thinking in episode one, some type of irreplaceable item could be destroyed -- maybe as a result of a careless email. Maybe some prominent career could be ended, a woman could be scorned...anyway the whole show will leave you thinking 'Man! I bet that guy wishes he wouldn't have done that,' or 'i can't believe he didn't confirm the reservation!' or 'why didn't he get the proper permits first?' or 'he really should have seen that dangerous animal coming,' or 'oh my god! he wanted to be a pianist!' etc., etc.//
but at the end, no matter what kind of pile of rubble you sit on, the show will allow you to conclude, 'man, that's way worse than the time i _____ or ______. i really feel better about that,' and isn't that what good television is all about?
i was looking for some Portishead music on myspace when
i came across this:
wow. no wonder we were all so crazy in college. regardless, if you turn this shit up in the dark, turn the bass all the way up, take some acid, heroine...whatever. let it flow, man.
consequently, Portishead does not go well with a cheerful myspace photo slideshow.
Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.
Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.
Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.
Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.
Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.
Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.
Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.
Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.
Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.
Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.
Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.
Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.
Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.
Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.
Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.
Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.
Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.
Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.
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