6.3.07
Lin will appreciate at least the beginning of this.
Instead of driving off a cliff as a bitter, washed-up 24-year-old (and a half!) 'journalist,' I decided to go on home to Bangs and when I arrived, I had an unopened package left for me on the counter. I'm still wondering about this mysterious 'farm thing' that Mae sent, but what I received instead was The Interviewer's Handbook: A Guerrilla Guide by none other than mister jack brady.

Now I can look at the picture of the prof who told me I "was a better writer than that" when I told him I planned get hitched and start out at a suburban weekly in Columbus. Ha! Sucker. It's a step in the right direction anyway. I have been reading the last hour, and it feels like a coveted last-minute pink slip.

I'll let you borrow it when I'm done. Already he has suggested, in one of the less practical chapters, knocking four times loudly on the desk to end a long-winded phone interview. Priceless.

My apologies for those who have come here from her Myspace:

Doctor Hotshot has informed us that before we try scary knives, we'll do some radiation treatment on Amanda's bad brain artery. Pending a Cat Scan tomorow she'll leave the hospital in Friday and in four to six weeks, she will wear a large metal halo and they'll shoot the thing a couple of times and after three years or so, it might evaporate, as I understand it. They've decided to feel their way along in the process, and it could require surgery later, but for now, they'll use the gun. We are all happy about this.

I absolutely adore my little sister.

Today I came into the hospital room and she was all alone, practicing her exercises along with a patient on the other side of the curtain in the stroke recovery ward. She told me to "shhh," when they got to the "raise your left hand" part because she is not yet satisfied with the accuracy of her left-pointer-finger-to-the-nose trick.

She is such a little fighter. Today we shaved her legs and took her on a walk. It's a privilege to take care of people. Especially in a hospital when they haven't been showered in a long time, and orange sherbet or a cold rag means everything in the world in that moment. romanticized, probably. but maybe I can just be a nurse instead.

I also love that my dad will still eat my sister's hospital dinners and my mom will yell at him. I guess I had forgotten until tonight that Johnsons are a simultaneously cold and an incredibly protective breed. Once you're in, you're in kinda thing. And many of you already are. When this is all over, we'll cater a lunch in mom's new kitchen.

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posted by Class of 2000 officers @ 6:00 PM  
4 Comments:
  • At 07 March, 2007 04:52, Blogger crankin said…

    i'm sorry... not trying to sound harsh... but this all sounds a little crazy to me. are we sure amanda's doctors know what they are talking about? did you just say she is either getting out of the hospital on friday or in 4 to 6 weeks? and she has to wear a halo for 3 years?! can i get some clarification please. thanks.

     
  • At 07 March, 2007 20:31, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What better reason to come to my backyard than to "benefit from a breadth of experience and expertise among the physicians of the Gamma Knife team?" :) Sounds promising nonetheless. Just have Dr.Hotshot wear a cowboy hat.

     
  • At 08 March, 2007 15:26, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Johnsons protective? Hell, that ain't the half of it. Think of all the resources at your disposal. One phone call could unleash a strategic strike on any sociologic level, at any collective group of human beings. Over here we are pulling for you all. We think of you always. But now, I feel like crap for only showing up once.

     
  • At 08 March, 2007 19:09, Blogger Class of 2000 officers said…

    crankin - i am a bad explainer. let me try again. now they are saying she'll be out on Monday, and then she'll rest in ashland for 4 to 6 weeks. Then she will wear a weird metal helmet just for the zapping procedure. then the radiation takes three years to fully get rid of the broken artery/vein thing.

    jenny- sounds tempting. more than you know. can't wait to see you this weekend maybe?

    rogue agent -- enough with that. hospital vistors are not permitted to feel like crap :)

     
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user guide.


Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.

Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.


Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.


Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.


Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.


Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.


Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.


Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.


Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.


Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.


Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.


Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.


Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.


Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.


Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.

Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.


Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.


Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.

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