every two weeks: on gas and cash and such.

31.10.06

on gas and cash and such.

There's nothing more humbling than coming back to work on Monday to find you've left your Honda Civic idling with the doors unlocked and the radio blaring for almost 48 hours.

I knew this girl in high school once who locked her keys in her car while the engine was still running. She went on to class and emptied her gas tank during the school day. I remember teasing her mercilessly for weeks about the incident. Karma is a killer, but even more damaging is running around the town, acting like a dumb asshole.

To explain, for those of you unfamiliar with the system, to save on our commute expenses, Seth normally picks me up on his way home from the office, and we leave a car in the secret place.

Although economically beneficial, the LoveCOTA system is the root cause of some logistical confusion on the weekends, especially when we find ourselves needing to be in different parts of the state with only one car between us.

Throw the company pool car in the mix (his of course, not mine, as the CM Porsche always seems to be checked out...) and at times, we're the joke where the farmer tries to get the chicken, the fox and the feed to the other side of the river unspoiled.

There have been at least a few occasions where, for one reason or another, we've pulled in to our transfer station to find an extra car -- or better yet -- no car at all. (Did we leave the Hyundai in Knox County again, dear?, etc.)

On Saturdya, at the transfer station, while Seth waited, I put the Honda in park, moved the necessary goods from one car to the other, rolled the windows up and eagerly hopped into Seth's car. I neglected, however, to lock the doors, or you know, "shut the car off," or whatever.

Shut up. It's an easy thing to do when you've got such a smooth foreign engine. Plus, it was cold (AND breezy) and I was eager to get into the company car with the heated leather seats.

The defense rests, your honor.

The Honda survived - unspoiled and ustolen -- with probably only some minor engine damage. But how?

People have told me that theft in the Northland area is somewhat prevalent, but I disagree. For almost two days, my car sat running, pre-warmed and inviting for any would-be thief, but no one was interested.

When I was dropped off early Monday morning, I opened the car door and immediately heard Johnny Cash, who had looped tirelessly through the gospel of John all weekend long. As I slowly understood what happened, I wondered if perhaps the Bible as read by Reformed Sinner and Country Music Legend Johnny Cash is the best crime deterrent? (Send back your Club.)

It is very plausible, after all, that the would-be car thief hopped in the driver's seat and was just about to put it in drive when he heard "Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you."

I wondered how many criminals were accidentally converted as a result of my carelessness. It wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened.

Surprisingly, a Google search for "left my car idling for 48 hours," does not bear much fruit. The Owner's Manual said something about combustion and build-up and also, as an FYI, the orange engine light? Not a good thing.

As I sat confused in the driver's seat Monday morning, the needle dipped closer to "E," and I realized the gas light had been on for quite a while. Good thing I had filled up on Friday.

It seemed the same god who had prompted Johnny Johnny to wear black had left me just enough gas to coast down the block to the station.

It's hard to be me.

posted by Class of 2000 officers @ 3:52 AM

1 Comments:

At 31 October, 2006 06:23, crankin said…

that is funny. thank you. i laughed out loud in the middle of the computer lab. rather embarasing for me. i appreciate the laugh though. you are a funny girl. never gets old. strange.

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Name: Seth Alias: Teth Seter or Steter. In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy. Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.' Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows. Name: Maybel Alias: The Pig or Boobles. In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006. Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat. Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing. Name: Amanda Alias: The Sister. In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007. Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds. Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie. Name: mom and dad. Alias: the 'rents. In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear. Hates: hospitals. Loves: squirrels and lattes. Name: Mae Alias: Klingler or Maddog. In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry. Hates: Hate. Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening. Name: Colleen Alias: Crankin and Rankin. In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging. Hates: all drivers. Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange. Name: Talya Alias: Strader and Sweet T. In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet. Hates: people who do not comment on her blog. Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista. Name: Chris Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine. In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures. Hates: people who are looking the other way. Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms. Name: pdawg. Alias: none needed. In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency. Hates: anyone under the age of 35. Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf. Name: Linsly. Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie. In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother. Hates: sexual predators. Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes. Name: jaydubs. Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking. In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world. Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office. Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil. Name: jessica. Alias: jessm. In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now. Hates: poverty. Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts. Name: brittiny. Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap. In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take. Hates: visible pany line. Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard. Name: garth and jen. Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere. In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots. Hates: local broadcast news reporters. Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice. Name: Angie. Alias: captain cool. In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator. Hates: joe and misogynists. Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus. Name: Melville. Alias: welcome to earf or bad town. In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me. Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird. Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits. Name: The Gerish. Alias: The Gerish. In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall. Hates: Things that aren't crackers. Loves: crackers. Name: Dennis. Alias: secret reading. In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming. Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard. Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.