Today in the library, i finally acquired the Best American Non-Required Reading 2004 with an introduction by Viggo Mortensen. I can't wait. However first! I must force myself to finish Middlesex by that creepy guy named Joe in the turtleneck.
Today in the library, i saw the Girl Who Looks Like Cat. Seriously, she does. the GWLLC always sets me up for disapointment. It walks like her. It talks like her. It is in the library. i wonder how God will justify this.
Today in the library I had to pay some fines (Windsor Pilates, $2.00, Day After Tommorrow, $1.00, Curb Your Enthusiasm Season One, $4.00, Breeding Your Purebred Bulldog, $.30) and the man who took my money looked exactly like Steve Tootle. Those who know Steve may agree that he has a distinct look about him, but this guy managed to copy it down to the capaccino glasses, the parting of the hair, everything. he also started talking at me about books i should read and things i should do, which was informative and helpful, and i laughed at a joke he made although i didn't really understand it until later. perfect!
A woman had a school of Jesus fish on her car. i was trying to provoke her so that she would cut me off or flip me off or flash me or something because that would ultimately have made a better story.
every time i click the link to get me here, i get the song in my head.
'he was tall and breezy with his long hair down' etc.
perhaps this is what puts me in a similar mood for every post.
we had another Starbucks gathering last night at Plank's bier Garten.
this is my life, take it or leave it.
spending the evening with the same people you've spent the day with can sometimes be surprisingly pleasant. there is Olivia, my partner in crime, with her fiery red hair and her push and her black fingernails and her don't you dare! and her don't ever! and the classic don't ever-push combo. there is serve', with his jibbajabba and his nopecan'tdoit and his here comes ja baby(He and i can get going mae-and-lyndsey-style, except no usually one wants to leave the room for some reason...i just don't get you people) And there is jon, who knows a bit of Athens (a marching-band drop-out) with his secret novel he's been writing on break and his endearing depression and lovable self-doubt. And there is matt, with his belief in god and heaven and all things good bogged down by the weight of thinking he could have picked a better way, going from happy to sad, buying you a copy of that DVD you mentioned you loved one day and making you cry for not filling the bean rack the next. And there is jenica, the teacher with her blond hair flipped out seeming she could be emily blair with a mini pot belly if you squint your eyes. And there is Mahoney, the new girl, who was put on earth so i can unashamedly tell my Steve Gutenberg story over and over and over. and there is Jodi, my boss, who wasn't there. And Alex, the mom who tried, and Hicks and S. Saksaka and Mary and Jose and Caitlin and our long-lost Carrie. They weren't there, either.
these are the people, the characters, the cast, if you will, and suddenly for a year of my life i know them and love them and they have wives and husbands and girlfriends and dogs and i know and love them too and we've been out once or twice or a dozen times or so and we're going to the park this afternoon with Maybel and out again tonight to Skully's (yes, Skully's) to determine once and for all if Zachary Allen Starkey is, in fact, a total douchebag.
but soon, every one of these people will be leaving. come harvest time our friends will file out to Oregon, Prague, Montana, California...and the store will slowly fill with new baristas (isn't this happening already?) and they will meet Larry who learns their name immediately and flirts with them a little and says "i think i'll go all D today, thanks" and they will meet Glenn and they will remake his drink three times until it's right and they will meet Holly, whose name they'll learn immediately and they will meet Jeff and eventually they will learn his secret and i will be there in the background, watching. and everyone will already know my name and they will be impressed and they will hate it when i have to remind them to get the milk steaming first and that the lemon meringue tort gets three days and so quickly, quickly, i am scrambling to get out of there before this transition is complete, while everything is confused and there are five people on the floor all the time more and more these days and i will get out and i will remember saturdays when no one would show up until 8 or so and we could sit outside before they got here and talk and i will remember fridays with no precloser or lunches and i will remember pam and greg and zeller. and so i may be writing here a lot more (that isn't good) (just to practice) because it's been so long and the other day i got the words epidural and epidermis confused and the day before that, Seth convinced me (if only for half a second) that girls don't have spleens.
have you done this? if not, you should. but first! read.
i'm sure a lot of you already get sojo news. but some of you don't. and there is also miss dobos who may have already told you. hopefully i'll get the rest of the scragglers left behind.
basically, everybody knows that Plan Columbia is probably sold as a very sexy America Saves/Bruce Willis/Tears of the Sun kinda thing (you know, with helicopters and guns and death and whatnot) but is simply a lazy and bad idea.
just a little reminder. june 27 is coming up soon. don't be like congress. educate yourself!
We are going to be the worst parents ever. But don't worry, i think she's going to be okay. There was a lot of barf.
I just wanted to tell you that this evening, Seth and I walked the little piglet to Giant Eagle where we bought some supplies. For an appetizer, we cooked mussels, followed by salmon and potatoes for dinner. We ate outside on the porch. It was around 75 degrees.
I also wanted to say thanks to Cat for her supportive words, and that i did eventually use the swear words boiling in my brain, but only after he left the room. Such is the cowardly way that i live. it still felt really good though.
I also wanted to tell Chris that the comment i made about the old man being dead, etc. was a complete lie that came out of nowhere. sometimes i'm not even aware it is happening.
I'd like to know what you think of Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl or whatever.
I'd appreciate it if you would please refrain from drinking coffee at the computer station.
**** on june 23 at 12am, this post was edited for anger (you know, to fit your screen.)****
i'm getting dumber.
a little background.
it is hot. like, ninety degrees most days. our apartment complex? not wired for the three-pronged plugs. most air conditioners? take three-pronged plugs.
it is every night at six or seven in the evening. 59, 61, 57 East Arcadia residents make their way outside onto the porches for smoking, chatting, eating, drinking, guitar-playing, whittling.
me: "It's funny how we all conjugate out here every night." my neighbor, an english professor: "what?"
Conjugate? yes. we come outside to slap different endings on verbs. every night. very nice. Ever since i started using only 16 different words a day, i've forgotten the rest of them. the more mochas i make, the dumber i get. it seeps into my brain. and the Verbal Warnings don't help.
i received a "Verbal Warning" yesterday at work for oversleeping and being late. Umm? Fu**(all you really need to know here is that said man has just recently receiced shift supervisor status. yes. let the record state that this is all i said. let the record state also that i never used the word manchild.)
you know how i hate authority. you know how the only thing that bothers me, ironically, is when other people become bothered. we should all live in peace with each other. we should all be prepared to be screwed, and forgive those who screw us. be lucky it's not you this time. because next time, it will be. ask not what you can do for your country. rage against the machine, etc. my alarm didn't go off. yours didn't either once, twice. and i said, on the phone, and i remember, with a line out the door, "don't worry. take your time. don't speed. we'll be fine until you get here. it happens, man. it happens" i did not sit you down on your lunch time and explain why it is wrong to be late. i did not clasp my hands together and speak the way you would to a child or to a dog. i did not sit in the chair with my back perfectly straight. I did not start "Let me begin my explaining how you put us into a real bind when you arrived late this morning."
Today Maybel ate the computer cord. It shocked her, and she yelped and ran around the house a little bit. Now she cannot stop hanging her tongue out of her mouth a little bit. i'm not sure what to do about this. and i keep laughing at her, because she looks hilarious, which makes me feel like i'm going to be a terrible mother.
i'm worried about our baby's prejudice. From our wide and varied book collection, she chose to eat A Dream Deferred: the Second Betrayal of Black Freedom in America, Does Jane Compute? Preserving our Daughter's Place in the Cyber Revolution and a Spanish-English Dictionary.
Was she born predisposed with such taste for hatred (she did spend her first three months in Kentucky) or is this something we've nurtured in her?
Perhaps i am interpreting this all wrong and she is just very bad at reading.
if so, remember this. i am happier than i've been in a long time. and i'm being kept alive by you.
I'm not sure i've ever felt this good. totally disconnected. but good.
When i was gone, i thought of you. i thought of every second i spent with you, how our relationship went from nothing to something. how you were just some stranger and up to the point that you weren't. i thought of our good times. our bad times. i reveled in it. i rolled around in it until i was sick.
There was nothing i did financially or soulfully or otherwise to deserve it. It was the first time i have left the country (Canada never counts, right?) and i have to tell you, it was quite an experience.
When i was there, the blogger in me was exploding from the inside out, with the internet around 4,000 Colones per half hour time slot. i saved the money for a volcano tour. we swam in hot springs. we played with monkeys. we swung on ropes through the treetops of the rain forest. we toured a coffee plantation. we got lost. we didnt' speak the language. we ate things we couldn't name. our bus broke down. we smoked Derby cigarettes and drank Imperial beer. we lived the slogan. Pura Vida. we came home with all the bracelets.
And there are so many things since then that have happened! Like our neighbors, the Matts, who invited us over for an authentic Spanish/Indian dinner cooked by their friends at ten o'clock after work. Or like our cousin Carrie, who graduated from high school today. Or like my friend Becky who called to plan our 5-year reunion. People have gotten married, had babies, acquired dogs, read books, moved to DC Houston Seattle, laughed, cried gained four pounds and thrown up since we've talked last.
Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.
Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.
Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.
Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.
Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.
Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.
Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.
Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.
Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.
Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.
Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.
Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.
Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.
Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.
Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.
Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.
Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.
Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.
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