Well, not really. But almost. Actually not at all. Something better!
Talya and Chris stopped over for an evening visit on Sunday. We ate spaghetti pie and they brought us peanut butter ice cream and cinnamon rolls - and Newcastle, which i think sometimes is much better than wine. Sometimes.
We also played Hidden Identity and I'm ashamed to say that they beat us and that everyone was sober. And I even had Seth on my team. Durn that George Washington Carver! And acropolis?! Come on...I should have been all over that one. Especially after watching that Fritz Lang movie in Dave Thomas' class. Or am I thinking of Metropolis? Either way it was a real fumble.
So even though they pounded our "A's" in our own home, we had a pleasant evening with the kids. And not to say surprisingly pleasant, but was anybody else comfortably reminded of god's grace and filled with joy at various times during the visit? Just me? Ok, I'm cool with that.
It is so good to have dinner guests in our home.
And Mae! Out of no where I hear this distinct little voice running up the staircase and through the hall. Could it be? Oh yes! It could! It's Mae! Home from the war! And she's stopped by for a visit! Unfortunately for her, she walked in was just as we were putting our Christmas tree stand together whence upon we could place our first magical Christmas tree as a married couple. I'm sorry, Mae. That must have been like when Toto revealed the man behind the curtain. The magic of the first Teter Christmas may be lost to you now since you've seen it born. And it wasn't a pretty birth at all. It still leans just a tiny bit to the right in case you're wondering.
gotta go now i'm in the middle of a big bike race.
Starting Monday Seth can be called two things: 1)my husband and 2)a communications specialist at the OFB. (or the Ohio Farm Bureau if you're not down with the lingo.)
He's a salary man now, with benefits and office space and he wears nice suits. And we are one step closer to our dream of a conservatory house with lazy river and an adopted latin american child. and a monkey. we're on our way.
I beseech you, please, may I implore your attention for an additional tethy?
Friday I went to Mae’s house. We had some kick-ass Pad Thai (thanks for teaching me) and we got some port and some nearly expired $3.50 pastries from Starbucks and foot rubs, of course. And she let me watch the entire OSU football game in exchange for playing with her hair. It was absolutely marvelous. May I reiterate how lovely it is to be able to go and relax? No pressure to entertain or to impress, just to enjoy the company of another, comfortably. This is what I like about good friendships. We can be “our boring selves” and completely enjoy it. PS- Stay away from the Benjamin Port. Don’t be a cheap ass. Buy the Sandeman. PSS- Remember when Edwards dropped that easy pass for the first down that lost the game? Sit down, man. That’s right, SIT DOWN.
Also, last night. Saw Garden State at the cheap seats. Was told by many I would love it. Too much hype. Didn’t like it. As Seth and I were discussing, we decided that we’re not cynical...movies are just way too stupid. There were a few saving graces in this film...the hamsters, the pug itching his crotch, the cats, the amazing shots and color (mostly the animals and the cinematography, I guess...) but we were way too grossed out by yet another “free spirit” bringing an uptight/overdosed man back to life again. It even had the Shawshank Redemption scene with the guy staring up into the rain and shaking his head, except this time he was free from his drug-numbed past instead of prison and a mile-long tunnel of shit…maybe now that I think about it, this was on purpose. Anyway there were some good ideas but some terribly douchbagesque dialogue and the overplayed “this is our lives as we live them have fun and let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and also the only thing I’ve ever been sure of in my life is that I love you after four days.” (Was anyone else reminded of the Dharma & Greg parody on the Family Guy?)
Maybe I’m just mad that I have tried to be the “free spirit” before in my life and now suddenly I feel exposed. Don’t give away our secrets, Natalie Portman. Plus, you are way too cute. Sorry, friends, if I ruined another movie. It’s your fault for overdosing me on the chick flicks last spring anyway. I will never enjoy romance on the screen again.
Also, don’t bother putting yourself on the reserve list at the library for Touching the Void. It airs on PBS in T-Minus 4 hours. Chris and Talya. I have an idea. Bring yourselves to our house on your way to/from Thanksgiving.
There are many jokes in the old riddle book at work. Few have been used. Many others wait for their turn to be the "riddle of the week" at store #2508 in the German Village. Many pages have been turned in our quest to find that one "golden" joke that will perk the customer's morning, and guarantee at least one of them a free beverage of choice for guessing the correct answer.
It is now my job to pick the riddle every week.
Last week I was skimming through the pages, when a joke so bold and so flawless struck me. It struck me hard. I burst out loud with laughter and tears and was forced to explain myself to the customer standing in line. I told the joke in its entirety to the friendly, old ex-librarian, we'll call him "Deceit-Atron," and he looked at me like i was rather dumb. "That's the worst joke i've ever heard," he said, and snickered to the other barista about the blandness of the joke while he waited for his tall peppermint mocha and reduced fat cinnamon swirl coffee cake.
I, however, went with my gut and picked the joke regardless of the old man's snickering, and the next day it was up on the menu board as follows:
Q: What do reindeer have that no other animal has?
(You'd think the answer would be "the ability to fly," or even the less-educated guess, "red noses," but you'd be wrong.)
The answer? Baby reindeer. Hilarious. Non-stop fun the whole way through.
It was a Tuesday when the question went up, and it was a Wednesday when an old, friendly ex-librarian sauntered into the room, ordered his drink, calmly glanced up at the riddle and peeked his little head over the bar to ask my manager: "The answer isn't 'baby reindeer' is it?" "You're right," she said. "Free drink for you!" And she his name up on the board. "I can't believe no one had gotten that yet," he said casually.
The next day, I told my boss that he had been there when we were discussing what riddle to put up there and had previously known the answer. She said that this was the rumor going around, and asked me to talk to him about it when he came it next. When he walked in a few hours later, he was trying to hide his eyes from me, like an old puppy that peed on the carpet. i took his order, kept calm and briefly confronted him in the most playful way possible in order to maintain 'legendary service.'
"What's this?" I asked, pointing up at his name on the riddle board.
"Oh I know," he said. "Is there any way I could get my last name up on their too? Their are a lot of 'Deceit-Atrons,' and nobody will know that it was me."
"But 'Deceit-Atron,' you were there when we put up the riddle and were talking about it. You knew the answer, you little cheater."
"No I wasn't," he said.
"Yes you were...Remember you didn't like the riddle," I said. "You were standing right there and you said it was the worst joke you ever heard?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"What?" I asked, thoroughly confused.
"You're wrong," he said. "You must be thinking of someone else. Now I want my last name up their. Tell Jodie I'm not leaving until I get my last name up there."
I was completely shocked. What a sad man stood before me. One so desperate for recognition that he lied to win a free coffee at Starbucks. And now, he stood there, refusing to leave until my manager came from the back of the store to write his last name on the board. And all along I had thought that librarians were so tough. Look how they had fought the Patriot Act. Something strange must happen to a librarian when they retire.
The Trifecta Blogs have become a regular love-fest. You know who you are. isn't it wonderful? i am privileged and honored to be mentioned. i check you both first every day, and i am never let down.
Have you noticed that there is not a lot going on? I am over halfway through Winesburg, Ohio, which has put me in the mood to be uneventful. This is a book about small town living, where the characters are allowed to be both sad and beautiful. When I read, I am taken back to the likes of Harry Atkinson or Tabitha Hites or Flo Hoskinson. These are the names that have shaped me into the person I am, and the reason that old friends from Washington Court House who have not seen each other in a long time can sit together at a bar and still have a connection. These names make up a bit of our framework. Everyone who lived in a small town has them. Bill Cotrill. Mary Kay West. A.J. Anders. I bet Ryan Kelley might know what I'm talking about better than I do. And the town newspaper reporter who uncovered them all? Isn't that wonderful? All I need now is one or two failed adventures to be complete.
Seth has not slept in over 24 hours and is not tired. I am going to Cincitown tomorrow to walk with Mae in the sky. Or at least that's how it has been explained to me. I am looking forward to this time way more than you would think from reading this blog.
In other news I, as colleen mentioned the other day in her blog, am only good at keeping hilarious things alive. I am not good at creating my own humor from scratch, like mae or my husband or many others. For instance, Seth is sitting on the bed right now, strumming along and singing a pitiful version of Smash Mouth's AllStar. Now that is hilarious. and from scratch. I could never be able to do something like that. But, I can recognize good humor. I do have a nose for gold. I have the ability to breathe life into something that may be otherwise heard and forgotten, and tomorrow, I will tell you how one man exploited this in "the saddest story ever told."
Looks like it's shaping up to be a nice week of people! Sushi with Bill and Kim on Wednesday, dinner and/or lunch some time in the middle with Ronnie, and to cap off the week....that's right. It's a trip to Cincinnati on Friday. Klingleriffic. Chris and Talya? You're up next! Rankin? You're not safe either, girl! Fellers? I know vaguely where you live! Better get your ready on.
I love the feeling of catching up face-to-face with friends in winter over some sort of warm beverage or dinner, or in the summer over some sort of cold Newcastle beer. Stay tuned here for updates. I'll tell you more about hanging out with my friends.
My little sister dyed my hair dark red yesterday. Seth says it makes me look like Kate Winslet. This is not true, but I like that he said it. I also like that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Titanic, not so much though. Now when I shower, it's like a scene from Psycho. This leads me to believe that by the time my girlfriends see me, they will think i lied about dying my hair dark red. But the whole Kate Winslet thing, that made it all really believable.
I'm a little sad that I waited in line for 2.5 hours, punched all the holes carefully and even checked for those pesky Florida hanging chads, and they didn't even open my ballet. Provisional ballots should be called the "toss-if-we-already-project-it" ballot. Or the Slam Ass Vote. Or the "forget you, you name-changing mover" ballot. Or something more clever when i'm not so angry.
I'm angry because Republicans are mostly arrogant, and although i live near the German Village and we rarely see them, i know they're out there, at least on the internet. And it kills me to know that it's all over, and they are probably celebrating with a gun rally or by killing a queer or something.
It's this damn liberal heart of mine bleeding and crying all over everything. i wish i could be prouder to be an american. oh well. we did our part, right? It just looks like Pat Robertson was right again.
"I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I really believe I'm hearing from the Lord it's going to be like a blowout election in 2004. The Lord has just blessed him.... It doesn't make any difference what he does, good or bad."
- Pat Robertson, AP/Fox News, January 2, 2004, www.sojo.net
"This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children... This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron." - President Dwight D. Eisenhower, but mostly thanks to Jess Meyer.
Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.
Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.
Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.
Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.
Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.
Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.
Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.
Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.
Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.
Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.
Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.
Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.
Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.
Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.
Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.
Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.
Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.
Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.
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