one more. one more. one more. and i'll quit. i swear. i'm sorry.
TEN POINTS to the Mount Vernon News's own Mark P. Jourdan, who likely is collecting large sums of money from a reporter's pool for slipping "a bewitching, archaic feel" into the fourth graph of his news story.
this, god willing, was done to satisfy newsroom boredom a la Malcom Gladwell's "perverse and often baffling" word challenge.
Also in today's edition of the Mount Vernon News, this bit of information raises new and troubling questions for the Best News Writer category of the Associated Press Society of Ohio newspaper competition.
If you go:
Known for its disturbing friendliness and unsettling hospitality, Church in the Country is a small, cozy establishment nestled in the sprawling countryside of Knox County, Ohio.
Do:
Expect to stick out like a sore thumb: Everyone knows every one at Church in the Country. Everyone, that is, except for you. In fact, not only do they know everyone, but they know every one's health ailments. And they often shout them out loud during prayer. But they do not yet know yours.
Fill out the guest card: Young and old, men and women, pastors and farmers, alike will flock to you during the greeting part of the service with blue Guest Cards in hand. They will welcome you publicly during announcements. They will get your names wrong about 50 percent of the time, but you won't care because you think they feel like home.
Don't:
Pack a lunch: Attendees at Church in the Country are guaranteed to be offered one, two, or even three Sunday lunches after worship service. Some of them are in the basement, but the majority of Sunday lunches are offered at the homes of church members about a half mile north of the railroad tracks in Hunt Station.
Skip Sunday lunch: Although it may be tempting to skip out on lunch at a complete stranger's house, take a few extra laps around the country block to shake the nerves out. Chances are, you'll soon find yourself hoovering around the crock pot with aunts, uncles, grandkids and great-grandkids. You'll hold the baby while mom does dishes and you'll crack jokes because dad probably should have his license revoked. You might even get a little jealous when Stacey is offered first pick of grandma's good silver.
What I meant to say was that I have never felt so welcomed in a church, and subsequently at a stranger's house, in all my life. This family provided the most easy, pleasant, relaxing atmosphere -- and having two stangersat the table was completely normal to them. They do it every week, I guess. One of the grandkids road his bike over from Marion. Can you imagine doing something similar for strangers in your own life? I freak out when people I know are coming over.
Afterward, we get a call from the old man who brought his riding lawn mower over from the farm to let us borrow it for the night. We had mentioned in passing that our mower was broken and that the part would not arrive until Thursday.
What?!
What?!
I have not yet gotten over the whole experience.
How can people be so nice?
This is what I want.
my face is burning and crying. because of the tears. FU. sorry mmm wit darcmann ..druuuuuuunk,
dan williamson and erik johns have ruined blogging for me. i feel bad even as i pen this soon-to-be classic internet hit.
they said there is something about a person -- no offense -- who puts their personal life on the internet for consumption.
i don't think they meant something 'good' or something 'extraordinary.' what do you think, pdawg?
well.
hmmpph.
i guess that while true, this insight has also never stopped me before. anyway, i say it's your fault for reading it. society has also produced tila tequila: second shot of love and that would not exist without demand-much like personal details about my life! i would not type them if 7-9 (thousand!) people were throwing themselves at my mercy. and anyway, i think theteet's existence says more about consumers than the producers of the show.
dan williamson also claims that he has never visited my blog, but "has had it read" to him. creepy.
i wonder what my blog sounds like as read by eric lyttle or phil shie. perhaps there is an opportunity here for TheteetOnTape.
enough about dan williamson. and anyway, i am not self-important.
i am simply important.
all this and i never even got to blog about ticks.
Research shows newspapers + Internet = more consumer purchasing power; Ads that appear in both mediums reinforce consumer confidence in products and services
WASHINGTON— New consumer research conducted by Clark, Martire & Bartolomeo and commissioned by Google indicates that consumers frequently combine use of newspapers and the Internet to evaluate and make purchases, the Newspaper Association of America said today. According to the study, among people who research products and services after seeing them advertised in newspapers, two-thirds (67 percent) use the Internet to find more information. Of that group, nearly 70 percent of consumers actually make a purchase following their additional research.
The research released today was the result of a wide-ranging study exploring the effectiveness of bringing new advertisers to the newspaper print environment through the Google Print Ads™ platform. Earlier NAA studies have shown that newspapers continue to serve as a major resource for U.S. consumers seeking advertising and shopping information.
this week is a blur.
friends, family, bosses.
i got another sexy cover. this was more of a team effort.
*astute* TOP readers will note that yes, i have written provocativish stories in the past. get over it, prudes. although -- i may need to write about nuns or something wholesome soon, or i may develop a reputation. i wish i knew someone who could pitch me a good religious story.
um. it hit me last night at jenny wray's surprise 30th birthday party at MOMO 2 (go there.) -- perhaps as her fiance Kyle and his friend were belting an Air Supply duet in a sweaty, happy karaoke room? -- that i have never been happier.
i am 25 and-a-half, it is spring, i have the funnest job in the universe, our chickens should be arriving any day now, my raised beds are ready and waiting for the frost date, i married a man who can bake me a killer rhubarb pie AND build me some stairs, my dog is hilarious, jesus is my homeboy. i am the. luckiest. gal. in. the. world. or manic-depressive. one of the two.
there are even new and colorful wildflowers popping up spontaneously in my yard.
everything's comin' up milhouse! i mean, teter!
i have been busy and i miss every single human in my life. later i am going to blog about ticks.
hi guys. I successfully tortured everyone involved with the Protected post.
There were no actual words in the post, I just wanted to test how that would work.
my conclusion? a secret online diary would be nearly impossible to maintain.
'oh my gawd, with all the manlove jon stewart has for Obama, when he's elected president, how will we laugh?'
if jon stewart is so blindly in love with our president that he can't mock him in comedy routines, it will be a long four to eight years.
but then! last night he came through with a win-win for us all. when obama is elected president, jon stewartcan simply mock those who criticize barack obama!!!!!! hurray!
But honestly, i've searched my soul the last four days, and i can't seem to find what is terribly wrong with those infamous few paragraphs (surprise, surprise). i read it as an explanation of small town whackoism, which is basically right on. but seth said i was wrong, and that he was putting a Whacko Blanket on every resident of every small town in america. in that case, i'm spittin' mad. riot on the streets of Bangs. it's about screaming 1-8-7 on a muthaeffin' cop!
speaking of Sublime lyrics, it's funny when two white people find themselves singing, for example, 'load up the bong/krank up the song/let the informer call 911' in a Hyundai accent on the way home to Bangs. we are such posers.
in conclusion, william kristol is the most intelligent douchebag i have ever read. i love to hate that guy. and that sly smile! i could kill him with my bare hands. i'm glad they started putting him columns in the Dispatch.
i am an hour or so behind deadline, but this is of utmost importance.we have two machines in the ladies' room at work.they are both called Paper Towel Dispensers, which is ironic, because that is the one thing they do not do.we've lived about 7 months with this on-again-off-again problem.
to generate mucho readership ire when i butter the bottoms of bosses on my blog, but this one just walked out the door, so it doesn't really count.
i am sad about the departure of danny russell.
i remember -- 27 years ago today! -- when pdawg was like, 'teter, you should go talk to danny because kristen convery just quit and you once told me that you'd like to work at TOP.'
and so i did. and instead of dismissing me as a lost SNPer who wandered on the wrong side of the building, danny talked to me for a very long time about what sort of writer he likes at his paper, and he's been pretty darn nice to me ever since.
i wish he would have stuck around for a few of my formative years.
shut up.
i'm one of those people who needs some coattails to cling to.
Although it took me a few minutes to find the spellcheck, i really dig the new Wordpress format and template changes.
You won't see anything different as a visitor, but inside theteet, it's like a brand new car with all sorts of gadgets and whizzits and whatnots. power steering!!
perhaps the most exciting new feature is PASSWORD PROTECTED posts. that means i can talk all i want about my boss and only those who know the password will be able to retrieve the information! this is great news and totally not a false sense of security for huge pus----.
i think what i'll do from now on is just use the name of the person i'm bashing as the password. so if you think the post is going to be about Joe, just type in his name. If you think it's about dennis, just try it. i'll probably still continue to speak ill of Lisa Proctor without remorse. i hate that bi-atch.*
*this is funny because lisa is the nicest person in the newsroom.
it has also been mentioned recently that we at theteet.wordpress.com need to cheer up.
we hear your concerns and are working internally to correct the problem.
i think ... i think megan pringle might have just commented on my blog.
okay. okay. okay. relax. you've talked with her in real life before. you've made her probably at least 20 grande nonfat lattes (why does she always order two!?), you saw her at the Daily Show taping that time you made jon stewart laugh out loud -- !! -- so this is a natural progression in your relationship. first the casual conversation, then the stalking, then the blog comment.
i love you megan pringle.
i have never, ever (not even once!) in my life hated you. plus, for some reason you drive almost as much traffic to my site as i do.
i love you megan pringle.
please. i'm honored. have a seat.
Editor's Note: it has come to my attention that Megan Pringle did not comment on my blog. It was my cousin. whom i hate.
i'm not sure if i'm allowed to out her on the internets or not
we got some really good news this weekend from my sister-in-law. oh, and paul. he helped, too.
let's just say that when my mother-in-law compared gifts, my 'make-your-own-sunflower!" kit really paled in comparison.
still your #1 news source for myself and megan pringle.
I have one of those magic counters that tells me what people type in google to link to my blog. here are the most-frequent referrers since theteet.wordpress.com was born in, like, July or something: (sorry ben marrison!)
for two huge reasons.
Seth suggested that because it's my first cover, we should frame it and place it in a prominent spot in our home. he is also storing a few copies under the mattress. for safekeeping.
I am Steve Guttenberg's biggest fan.
Some may query, "but how can you be a fan of the Gutte if you've never seen Police Academy?"
For you, naysayers, I have two words: Cocoon Two.
He is the sweetest, most sincere man on the planet.
I love him.
Now, as I'm sure many of you are aware, our beloved Steve was eliminated from Dancing with the Stars last night. As if I needed another reason to hate America.
When we were courting, Seth was aware of my strange fascination, so he sent me an autographed photo to hang in my dorm room:
All I can say is "who knew!?"
Anyway, I still have the email that Steve sent to me personally nearly one month after the tragic events of Sept. 11, 2001. This is not a lie:
Date: Monday, November 12, 2001 7:07 PM -0500
From: MrKirbyProd@aol.com
To: lj200100@ohio.edu
Subject: Re:
Dear Lyndsey,
Good day and thank you for writing me. I am sending this letter in response to your email to give you some news about me and what's been going on. I am currently in post production on a film I directed called P.S. Your Cat is Dead. It is a comedy with some dramatic moments, based on the play and novel by James Kirkwood.
There is a website for the movie, www.psyourcatisdead.com, please check it out. The film should be released sometime next year, I am looking forward to you watching it.
In the meantime, I am currently developing future projects, reading many scripts from other writers and trying to lead a balanced life, spending time with family and friends. This is my 25th year in the entertainment business and I have loved every minute. There are times that when it's a challenge, but I am grateful for the opportunity to be contributing to our culture. Being an actor has been rewarding, but also strange at times.
Currently, I reside in both New York and LosAngeles, I have a dog, some fish and a healthy attitude. Once again, thank you for getting in touch, I read all of the emails.
Many happy returns,
Steve Guttenberg
He is LOOKING FORWARD to MY WATCHING of his MOVIE. I should probably do that.
this is a new movie starring lyndsey teter, eric lyttle, dennis laycock and tim krumlauf.
not sure who the bearded fellow is:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5iCkYKLleE]
I will miss about Dennis Laycock when he leaves us and retires in a few days:
1.) Gmail Chats.
2.) The way he would always send a 60-point message in weird font to remind me to file my commentary blurb -- which i never remembered, in almost 40 weeks.
3.) The fact that he went to prom with my sister-in-law. I will miss that.
4.) I will miss being able to walk over and sit next to someone who hates ben marrison as much as i do.
5.) And finally, I will still be able to read about his pants in his continuing coverage on livejournal, but I will not be able to see his christmas pants in real life.
Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.
Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.
Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.
Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.
Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.
Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.
Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.
Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.
Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.
Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.
Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.
Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.
Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.
Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.
Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.
Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.
Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.
Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.
i guess that while true, this insight has also never stopped me before. anyway, i say it's your fault for reading it. society has also produced tila tequila: second shot of love and that would not exist without demand-much like personal details about my life! i would not type them if 7-9 (thousand!) people were throwing themselves at my mercy. and anyway, i think theteet's existence says more about consumers than the producers of the show.
dan williamson also claims that he has never visited my blog, but "has had it read" to him. creepy.
i wonder what my blog sounds like as read by eric lyttle or phil shie. perhaps there is an opportunity here for TheteetOnTape.
enough about dan williamson. and anyway, i am not self-important.
i am simply important.
all this and i never even got to blog about ticks.
.jpg)
