We stayed in the middle of nowhere. I watched woodland creatures roam about in the backyard. I read books. I drank coffee. I chased turkeys with Maybel. Well, I could have. if I wanted to.
Also, a house. I want one.
That was just a warm up.
I am going to be an aunt again. I'm the only Teter woman who has yet to bear fruit, if you will. I am very much ok with this. Pretend Grandma Dorothy is not. Sister-in-law Christy, mother of Jacob, decided we should probably be pregnant in two years. Unfortunately, that means she will "probably lap" us. That's so funny.
It's time for boring work stories with L-Jo.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was applying for a job in the public sector. The man began his cover letter with the following: "Dear Honorable Mayor: Since you are in need of a new development director -- We should talk." Although 'since' is hilarious, 'We should talk,' in this case, is the masterstroke. I'm sorry if you work with me and are hearing this story a second or third time.
Also, at Christmas.
Pretend Grandma Dorothy is Moravian. I had never heard of this before. it's a real thing. In Tuscarawas she attends a Moravian church and we were urged -- at great lengths -- to attend her Putz. (Pronounced Poots) Go see the Putz! Do you have time to stop by the putz? the putz. the putz!
So we went to the first showing of the putz on Tuesday night.
It was one of those moments you sit, mouth partially opened, gripping the seat as something unbelievable plays out before you. it keeps happening but you don't have a notebook and you KNOW you're NEVER going to be able to recreate it.
The basic gist - the Putz is the story of Jesus, told in miniatures with incredible detail. Lots of tiny plastic baby lambs and angels and prophets with a mini Jerusalem and a mini baby savior. It is all one scene. A single light follows the story. A scratchy soundtrack accompanies each scene. You can hear the tape change.
Something large crashed behind the scenes as angels were visiting mini mary. the curtain operators were arguing as the mini shepards made their way to bethlehem.
I urge you to go. For heaven's sake. See the Putz.
I have to go I need to interview a barber in 6 hours.
We are on our way to Tuscarawas. Merry Christmas all. So much time spent with family. I love it. I don't expect you'll be seeing me leave the state any time soon. Sometimes I get jealous (ahem-) of those who can just take off willy-nilly with nothing there to hold them back. Sometimes I think it would be easier to settle ones mind on going rather than staying. Hard once you got there,of course, but exhilarating. Remeber Washington D.C.? The feeling in the pit of my stomach was probablysimilar to that of skiing down a mountain or having a baby -- and for weeks at a time! All vagueness adside, hey chris, I only hate your freedom and am jealous of it. I know that leaving Ohio is something not in the cards for us anytime soon, but I miss the feeling of starting out in a new city -- which has happened almost 4 times in my life -- but! -- was amazing all the same.
Congrats and good luck and also, Talya? What's up with that girl and when are you asking her out or whatever? I think I am old enough to be able to tell you publically not to be a pussy? Perhaps not. Seth is driving and I am surfing the net on his Blackberry, which is not as easy as it sounds.
Times we have almost crashed while looking at something hilarious Maybel is doing: 4.
See you on the other side of ham, potatoes and pie.
i almost lit one up, but then decided against it. there is an army of sprinklers above my head, ready to soak my baby laptop and digital camera. although my lucky bamboo could use some watering.
this was the weirdest day.
i love my job.
tomorrow, i will begin to officially acknowledge christmas. that is not a joke.
Last night was so weird. I dreamt I went to visit you in Pittsburgh, only to find that Pennsylvania was some sort of giant theme park filled with log cabins of varying sizes. In each log cabin was a family from a different time period. In between these cabins, the streets were lined with a deep mud.
I made my way to your cabin. That guy...you know...the one you've had 107 dates with? He was there in 3D, which is weird, because I have seen only, what, one picture of him? Anyway, he was there in period costume, all bustled up for the kids who gathered around him. I think he was eating a large turkey leg, like at the Paul Bunyan festival. You were there, too, in a similar dress but sans the turkey leg. You and several friends led me around Pennsylvania from cabin to cabin, until I woke.
I remember feeling a bit guilty hanging out with you for so long, as we don't really know each other that well personally, and remember feeling there were several other friends of yours waiting somewhere for you.
I'm sorry I had this long, weird dream starring you. I'm also sorry your boyfriend was dressed as a woman and eating a turkey leg in front of the children. I'm sorry I made you late to hang our with your real dream friends.
The whole thing was very disturbing.
I'm going to go ahead and rule out any sort of meaning, if that's all right with you.
it's up to maybel and seth to run the house this weekend.
i feel for you, coconut.
this week has been running in the rain. if i stop and turn around, it will hit me in the back like a freight train.
three weeks of work in two if i'd like to take a vacation day or two for Christmas. and in the sleepy town i once covered, the streets run over with blood.
seth is decorating the christmas tree. maybel is eating the lights. i am looking to my Eskimo friends.
i had some sort of girlie fruity martini or two at a fine restaurant in bexley. plus, it's cold and snowing again. i don't want to frighten anybody, but our place of employment has a reputation for exploiting young talent. it was terrifying. two different adults from two different suburbs said it in the same week. and they weren't provoked in any way on my part.
they heard it from friends. weird?
we had a christmas party at work. that is all i can say here now.
the following message is specifically for brittiny.
it happened again.
and this one, for katie.
number two?
is my husband's long-lost friend. a columbus man once? he attended the same church, played in the same praise band, and then disappeared off the face of the earth. i went to his house once. we listened to a rufus wainwright record. this would be weird if we are thinking of the same man. welcome to crazytown starring mayor roger rabbit.
and little hands?
i want to know what is going on in your life. update.
sorry for the flourish of new posting, but recent stat counts suggest my audience is becoming increasingly dangerous.
Hence, the addition/disclaimer. (see right.)
In case you weren't aware, I have this counter that tells me about my visitors. Actually, I don't know your name, (I mean, I can pretty much guess Cincinnati, Hudson, Akron, Athens and Seattle...although Lumberport, WV has me baffled...) but I do know your location, what you typed in Google to get here, how many pages you looked at and how long you visited, etc.
Don't worry or be misled. I don't care about any of these things other than referrals - those are always hilarious. And if you stay longer than 5 minutes, I assume you've gone to fix sandwich or walk the dog.
The only thing that makes me nervous are those of you who visit from blacklick or any other place dangerously close to my coverage area. I don't care that you are here or else I wouldn't have posted it online. I just wanted to clear the air a bit and make everyone more comfortable with the whole idea.
I am spying on you spying on me.
The Point: Everyone should walk away from this conversation feeling dirty.
We here at theteet.blogspot.com would like to welcome you to our site. Grab a good scotch or a glass of wine and have a seat. It's been a long day, I know. I was there with you, remember?
Anyway, I just want to warn you. Whether by Google, by word of mouth or at my own suggestion, you've reached my 'online diary.' I know, I know, posting personal and revealing information online -- under your own name and photo, even! -- is absolutely asinine.
Here's to being transparent.
I, like many of you, have nothing to hide. It's all here...all 200-some posts. You can track my thoughts through Starbucks, all the way to the present. Watch me become famous overnight. I think we'll all learn something from the way I handle first the money, then the sugar, then the women.
Enjoy! Be prepared for religion, rants, and rock 'n roll. I hope I haven't said anything about you personally.
Let me know what you think. Or better yet, start your own blog. Send me the link. I'll see you on the other side.
re: link below. Can you imagine how that would rock your world in the seventh grade?
Now junior high girls are using the internet to destroy the planet. I'm glad they are too distracted to set their sights on world affairs. Can you imagine the terror?Insurgents would be reduced to weeping, journaling in their diaries.
In other words, junior high was hard for me.
But wasn't I just as mean? When I was in sixth grade, an uber-dorky kid confessed his undying love for me on the playground, to which I replied, "I hate you. No girl will ever like you." In a few short years, he was kissing other dudes. I realize he was probably gay during the playground confession, however. what if he's wasn't? what if he was 'right on the edge' and i pushed him over into a life of discrimination? or worse - what if he isn't really even close to being gay, but just concluded that I was right -- that no girl, in fact, would ever like him -- and he resigned himself to living with a man whom he would never love !?!?
In other words, i have problems with self-absorption. and guilt. and queers?
Can you be 'right on the edge' of being gay? Most I have spoken with about it say no, but you can be in denial. and you can 'pray for it to go away,' which is about the saddest thing i can imagine happening ever.
anyway, i just had a reuben. i'm warming up to type three weeks of stories so that i may enjoy my 'time off.' in the meantime, i will be doubling my work during 'time on.'
seth is making christmas bowls on his lathe downstairs. they are to be gifts for his mother and, as i understand it, some of her friends. maybel is going mental over a walnut. she is trying to break it open by licking it repeatedly. we are a unique family.
I like to type with a pencil in my teeth or twisted up in my hair.
Perhaps it's because of those scenes in the movies when composers are hitting their stride and they play a little and then make a mark on the sheet of music in front of them.
Unfortunately right now, Maybel the dog is also particularly interested in getting said pencil in her mouth. This whole thing does not work as well with a bulldog hanging off the other end.
We are imitating those two bitches who wrote the sex column at the post.
Hey guys, so. I feel good about several pieces of writing this week.
Only a few things I wanted in were edited out.
Words I lost, among other things, include: Goat and Johnny DiLoretto.
Why is it that we always see more retards and old people during the holidays?
And I mean retards only in the 'there's something about mary' way, and not the mental retardation way.
But seriously, every newscast there are at least a dozen of them -- getting tassered by police or shopping with the Blue Jacket's.
Tomorrow I am interviewing a 100-year-old Alzheimer's patient named Mae. Yes, Mae. I couldn't help but laugh. "She's an angel," they said. Of course she is.
Maybe you'll be able to interview a retard named Lyndsey?
I am probably going to hell.
In other news, our Mennonite bible study class began last week. We are reading Jim Wallis. I know it's soooo 2004, however, I feel all these issues will be coming to a head once again with the governor's race well on its way, thanks to Jim Petro. Did you SEE that add?
"Hi. I'm Jim Petro, and gay marriage and abortion are the most important issues in Ohio. And don't worry. I hate queers."
Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.
Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.
Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.
Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.
Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.
Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.
Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.
Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.
Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.
Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.
Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.
Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.
Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.
Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.
Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.
Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.
Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.
Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.
i like being here.
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