Have I shown you a picture of my nephew, also my god son (not to be confused with son of god)? You know, the one we gave the rock to? Isn't he adorable? You should see him when his mother shoves his toes into his mouth and says "eatchourfoot eachourfoot eachourfoot" (translated: eat your foot)
It's hilarious. I hope something similar to this happens at graduation. It actually might, as this joke never tires.
Anyway, this post was originally titled to let you know that SN is now in competition with slightly larger media outlets. And I'm not talking about the Dispatch. It seems I was not the only one waiting outside Max & Erma's.
More on this later. Heart, Teter
ps- I'll let you make your own comparisons. (note how the sun shines down upon our angel.)
it's everywhere i look. if the page isn't slobbering over a picture of dave kaylor, it has one of these crazy religious right people pointing at things and saying them. i am sick of the things. did you know rod parsley's home is valued at one hundred million thousand million dollars? and his church, or 132-acre "complex" has more to offer than a super Wal-Mart? He even tells people that God wants him to be rich! (''If we stay poor, how are we going to relieve the poor?")There are no posters of jesus in his church, just giant slimy pics of him promoting his book. there are secret-service-type security guards in the aisles at his sunday-morning services! this is just like paul in athens. ha! can you imagine?
i am sick of the things! shut up shut up shut up. no hand for you! i must i slap it.
it feels like everything is waiting until september to happen. she was right. there will be no new news until after labor day weekend.
today i went to my first real grown-up press conference. it was fun. lots of cameras and tv personalities. no gabe speigel. i'm pretty sure rising gas prices forced the station to scale back on the 2005 model. i heard it didn't come with legs, so i'm not sure he'll be out on the beat much. sigh. but those teeth...so...white...and perfect...yet so...serious.
i had a question all ready, but the family was escorted off stage because they are too grief-stricken to speak with the media. lots of people were mad about this and started yelling "i'm just trying to do my job, here." the blond lady was particularly pissed. she seemed pissed the whole time, though, so i don't know.
my question was going to be "who do you think is responsible?"
isn't that good?!
i guess that was all i wanted to know, really.
if you are ever bargain shopping, don't go for Big K 50/50. Although it has half the carbs and calories of the regular Big K, i think it secretly might just be tangy brown water.
i'm sorry to keep bothering you, but i have just gotten word this hour that a third i.p. address has come to my blog searching for "universal beverage base." That's an average of one per week, so far.
two people in the last week searched for "vicatin" (spelled wrong), while megan pringle and jon stewart also received a few votes.
what are they looking for?
i mean, it's obvious what jon stewart and megan pringle wanted, but the rest? why is there such a thirst for UBB info? is it because i am no longer with the company? i heard they do that, you know. Starbucks. I heard they search blogs for negative things about the company and then maime or kill those who wrote the bad things about them. mmm-hmm. it's true.
have i told you about the creepy guy living outside our "apartment complex"?
i first noticed this dude the week seth was in D.C.
he would hang out on the neighbor's front porch without a shirt, which i didn't think was weird, because our neighbor rarely wears a shirt, and one would assume his friends would have a similar attitude toward apparel. (our neighbor does, however, sport tiny cut-off jean shorts on a regular basis -- and he's old. and toothless! but classy, in a Clintonville kind of way. ha!)
anyway, this dude would sit outside there for several hours at a time, smoking and drinking Milwaukee's Best. He made several trips back and forth from the car to the porch.
we didn't know for sure why this guy was visiting our neighbor so much until he asked about the peppers.
"hey man, my wife and i are going through a divorce. things are real tough right now. are you gonna eat your peppers?"
seth reluctantly agreed to let this man eat a few of our peppers (we had been growing from tiny plants all season). he really had to make some stuffed peppers after his wife left him, it seems.
i had my first conversation with this man tonight.
"hey, you want a cat?" he asked, beer in hand, pointing a cigarette that really needed to be ashed toward the bushes.
i did not see a cat, but i informed him that i was sorry, but i am allergic. i guess his wife left him with all the cats. there were four cats total, but he has managed to give three of them away.
apparently making trips back and forth to the house has become a burden, so he has pulled his car up in the back yard, where he sits now, drinking and smoking and listening to 70s rock very loudly.
i guess i cannot judge. those that know me well will remember one night at OU when i came home a little too...late, and spent some quality time in an automobile myself.
this is a very intriguing situation. the music floats in my window on a warm summer breeze. don't need no credit car to ride this train.
you can't get anything like this in January. i will keep you updated.
this week i am covering the disappearance of a 20-year-old reynoldsburg woman from a local bar.
i had most of the story written out today (friday) for a monday deadline when i got word that the case had been turned over to the homicide department after nine days. in other words, someone knows something that is not good news.
i had this thought:
(this is not a lie)
Dammit! Now i'll going to have to write this whole thing over again.
this is the first thought i have after spending a good majority of last night looking this girl's poor father in the face and seeing him tear up while talking about how much he loves his missing baby girl.
i think it is important to tell you that i went to joe's crab shack tonight to celebrate my birthday. i drank something called the tie-dye, which is a mixture of s. daquiri, frozen margarita, rum slushi, and some sort of greenie-meanie. in other words: the girliest drunk i ever drank. three cheers for the "twist and shout" as we were calling it by the end of the gallon jug it came in.
thank you, mom.
in other news. lappy-top. top. i got a lappy-top. there is a dance that goes with this, but i cannot demonstrate it here. not an ibook after all. i'm not mature enough to make the switch just yet. (see above and below) once we have children, maybe.
thank you, husband.
now i can stay on the east side and type my stories in from Starbucks. this is ultra-sexy. moreso than george clooney.
i read something on i, robert that describes every entry i have ever composed here: now i am officially boring-talking.
thank you, mama.
for making me gold pants.
ones i can dance in.
and make romance it.
lucinda serve, if you are here, congratulations on your new parents. i hope the cutting of the belly goes well. and i hope the coughing stops. hurry up. maybel is waiting.
it is 9 p.m. on the day my birth is occasionally celebrated.
my husband is working late so i have an excuse to smoke cigarettes.
the best movie not to watch after a bad day at work followed by a little birthday loneliness: Lost in Translation. or is it the best?
i'm not sad, i just thought it made a nice moment on the back steps with a can of doctor pepper. i am scarlet johansson. i am philosophy with a new husband out on the town and a chance to make out with bill murray, but i won't.
Usually, one of my aunt gets into a serious car accident on my birthday. Other birthdays, my grandpa has a stroke or my mom or sister or father or cousin break their foot or go to the hospital. Other birthdays i get engaged or return from a honeymoon is boston. One birthday my aunt tried to commit suicide. is that something i should have told you? I'm pretty sure it is a lie. It might have been jail. My cousin might have gone to jail. Other birthdays i am treated to dinners i will later be held accountable for. One birthday i got a color tv with a built-in vcr. In the 1700s, Napoleon was born on my birthday. Some time later, Claudia Schiffer.
Today the only casualty was (casualties were?) my new pin-striped pants. They were very chic until the zipper fell off for no reason.
are you worried about where your tax dollars are going?
i think everyone here is great.
my mind is full of crap that doesn't really matter. example, foreign trade zones, joint economic development zone, tax incentive f...foot...fortitude? and auditors. Betty Montgomery, even! did you know that a house exploded in reynoldsburg? did you know that the people there are mental over tomatoes? did you know that george and yuliana sell handcrafted jewelry from...venezuela?! did you know donna is running for council again? did you know larry is running, too? and that they mayor's son did a slide tackle into him when he was the keeper and broke his knee? did you know there are people, thousands of people, who want to keep a church out, but not because of jesus or the black people who go there to love him?
hmph. i think, is the right sound. it will get better. i will stop obsessesssing over every little story and i will just write them and send them off and have the weekends to rub Neosporin on maybel's open wounds. did i tell you? charlie the dog chewed on her a little. is Neosporin supposed to work on dogs? because it is. unless it's a silent killer, in which case, she is covered. by our renter's insurance.
are you mad about having to read this? i'm sorry. it will get better. i will be 23 on Monday. and you will see me. and i will have promised.
it's been a week, so i think that's good. lots of hours until i figure out a nice routine. i still get clippings from the Dispatch on my desk that say things like "house in reynoldsburg explodes" or stuff about levies or mayors or 105-year-old ladies. i'm not quite sure yet how to stay on top of the game. it will come. i mean, i learned where the bathrooms and coffee station are. one step at a time.
channel 4 news was at a conference i was covering. later on the 11 o'clock you could see me, standing in the back, eating a cookie, drinking a Hi-C. sorry. i know, eating a source's snacks leads to a serious conflict of interest, but i was pouting. the seven-foot-four broadcast journalism lady had a crowd of bewildered old men around her. i couldn't get a word in edgewise. she was so pretty, with a long all-white professionally tailored business suit. and those eyes. and that hair. so long. and stuff...she had them wrapped around her finger. i think one of them tried to touch her. eventually her hispanic camera man got antsy and the two split. i was there, however, until the end. i'll let you know how it went.
ps- from now on, i would like you all to refer to me as "scoops" teter. thank you, theteet.blogspot.com
pss- one year ago today i got married. isn't that rad? we spent some time in amish land this weekend. we stayed in an amazing suite. we went to a winery. there were many other nice things. i think it might have been our best date ever. but as with most things that stick too close to my heart, i'm not going to tell you much about it here. i expect you to do the same.
but can he fire me if the writing is totally awesome?
probably.
anyway, you can't stop me from talking about my new job. there will be no names, nothing really negative, just some slightly exaggerated (for purposes of hilarity, strength of story, added character, etc.) anecdotes for the pleasure of my readers from all around the globe. (who are you, united kingdom?)
anyway, so much for syllabus day.
my first day i walked in, they handed me a stack of paperwork, told me the mayor of Reynoldsburg had been in a motorcycle accident, and told me to have something for them by 2:00.
umm...could you please tell me where the bathrooms are?
later on in the day, i received word that i would be covering (among thousands of other stories that had piled up since the last reporter left two weeks ago) a City Council meeting whose agenda included every reporter's favorite words: levy discussion. so i beefed up on my millage and renewal v. replacement etc., (home owners must be geniuses) got out of the office at 5 and was at the meeting by 6. The meeting lasted two and a half hours and i got back to the office at 9. Deadline = 9:30.
I....I feel so alive! (thanks, P.O.D. with special guest Chris Cantoni)
I got home at 10 and thank our Sweet Baby Lord that Seth and the baby dog were waiting for me on the front porch. I needed a good old-fashioned face-licking. and Maybel. She was glad to see me too. I cried and cried and told Seth I was going back to the 'Bucks and that i wasn't cut out for that kind of work and whine whine this and whine whine that. it was awful. it appears a relatively stress-free, carefree life has caught up with me. Deadlines?! Lines of Death?! you mean, like, the Chantico is getting ready to expire? The milk has dropped below 120 degrees? You've got to be kidding me.
The good news is that although my stories were awful, i have learned a ton already, and i can't wait to get back into the swing. I have a desk, and i can hear other reporters on the phone. People run around sometimes waving papers (ok, only once, and it wasn't really a full wave...but it was on its way) And there are a ton of OU grads there, including "Megan," who almost beat me up my freshman year when she was really drunk because i wouldn't date her friend Easy. and including Garth, whose real name i will use for obvious reasons. he is the kid that shows up everywhere - in all your classes, at all the parties. and of course, he was there, at work. sitting on the computer, typing. of course he was. we have never talked.
Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.
Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.
Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.
Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.
Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.
Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.
Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.
Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.
Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.
Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.
Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.
Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.
Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.
Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.
Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.
Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.
Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.
Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.
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