Seriously though, my boss and her partner just adopted a foster baby.
They love her a lot. Sure, they are two women, and it's preferable if babies have good masculine and feminine examples in their lives, preferably in the form of mom and dad, but does this make little Mattix incapable of accepting the love of Christ in any way? No! If anything, it will open her up for more of it. If anything, she will grow up in a loving environment where two women set an example of sacrifice before her. Do you know what CJ and Jodie have done? They are caring for the society's unwanted and unloved!! Baby Mattix came to Jodi and CJ from a prostitute addicted to crack. No one wanted her. They took her, gave her clothes, fed her and are raising her the best way they know how. AND THEY WILL NEVER GET CREDIT FOR THIS FROM ANYONE! Because of what? Sin in their life?! Please!
You know what the first thing i thought was? "Well, that's nice and all, but the baby will never have a father figure in her life." And I probably thought this within the same half hour i waited impatiently at the intersection for the light to turn green so i wouldn't have to keep making eye contact with the bum asking for money.
Man, i hate it when i don't let love in. or when i think God can't overcome. or when i think i have any control over anything at all.
I'm sorry. I know writing in capital letters is lame, but i am crazy-mad. The religious right are making it so hard to minister around here. Every paper, every news media outlet, every gay man/women equates evangelical christian with hatred and judgment. And with the race for the governor. and with the President. and with the picking of the judges. and now with Texas. And only now i am beginning to understand why homosexuals think "If you have a Bible in your hand, you already hate me."
Would Mattix lead a more stable, responsible God-fearing life with both mother and a father? I'd say, i don't know, maybe. Would little Mattix "turn out better" with Christian parents? I'd say, i don't know, it depends on what kind.
Can we please understand that we cannot make laws that make it mandatory for a kid to have the right upbringing? Love people. Love makes a good kid, okay? it covers a multitude. love and patience and kindness and fear of god and all the things we don't have but are in need of. and i know hundreds of thousands of people who have grown closer to the Lord through rough childhoods. Single parents, multiple parents, divorced parents, gay parents, straight parents, bible-beating parents, alcoholic parents, suicidal parents, atheist parents, etc. Sinners breeding sinners. And there is nothing you can ever write on a piece of paper to stop that.
AAAHHHHH! STOP MAKING LAWS AND DEBATING ABOUT LAWS!
The law is already written!
LOVE LOVE LOVE i say, with hate pumping through my veins. why don't you tell me what do you think?
Clawing your way to my heart and/or How to help me know you more.
Remember the episode of Seinfeld with the speed dial?
(Jerry dated this chick who would change her daily ranking on the speed dial based on how well each date went, etc. and/or the better you are, the higher on the speed dial you will be.)
The only spot that matters is #1.
It is in this spirit that I have moved Cat up to top billing for an undetermined amount of time.
This highly coveted spot was earned by a work ethic unattainable by most. Check her and see how she updates. Almost daily. And not just crap. Good stuff. This should be a lesson to us all.
Congratulations to Kligler, who held #1 for almost...well, the whole time i guess. A tribute will me made Saturday at 7pm at the internet.
In other news, Colleen. How did you do it? For us, "pets OK" translates "You need a big ass pit bull or some shit to keep yourself alive in this neighborhood." Congratulations, all the same.
It is a little after 8am and i am going back to bed.
This article changed my life. and it sort of ties in with a little of what Patrick brought up, as far as the breakdown of community, and the not-knowing of each other, etc.
nothing makes you feel more like a rat in the race than searching for apartments in the city - in the rain.
Dear Columbus, i have called every single one of you. why won't you let us live with you? All we want is a place where our dog can rest its head, where homeless people do not come in uninvited, and where the poors don't break into our car windows. Our highest bid is low, but so are our expectations. Please help us. We love you.
Does anyone ever have trouble running errands? I discovered this today as i was sitting in a running parked car outside a stranger's house eating Taco Bell while talking to an insurance agent. Some people have their timing down. They make lists. They make calls at home, eat a little lunch and then run out to do errands. Not me. I haven't quite figured out the art of daily living. I get up, get ready and get into the car knowing what i have to do, but not in the order i'll do it. And i'm driven more by my stomach than a sense of responsibility, so inevitably i end up getting some type of fast food all over my bills, cell phone or car seat. I can't count the number of times i've finally pulled over to finish my cheeseburger/pizza/gyro in some random doctor's office/scenic byway/abandoned trailer park.
Has anyone else ever found themselves in this position?
Let's move on.
Let me tell you, we're trying. My retinas are seared:
2BR T/H, w/d, ca, o/s parking w/refig and refur. kit. $550/m. w/dep.
Landlords, I know space is limited, but eventually, the vision of your potential tenant will permanently blurred by this kind of abbreviated talk. That and tears of anger. They will blur our eyes with anger. Is Sam Brown listening?
Replace stolen license, ss card, library card, etc. Drunkenly mourn free movie passes, $25 American Eagle gift certificate and just under $60 in Starbucks tips. Plead with maker that these things will be used for good and not evil. Curse the French, for good measure.
so yesterday i worked at another Starbucks. I know, I know..."Never again. I'd rather die," etc. Forget the drama. It's time to grow up. So this partner from another store died in an early morning car accident. Tragic and Sad. Unfortunately, untimely death does not prevent the little piggies from wanting their coffee, so they called in emergency recruits. I got to work from 7:30 am until a bit after 10:30 pm with a nice hour lunch in between. It was all good. There were like 5 customers the whole night. Total Cake.
Timmy was this guy's name. I saw his till tags and his coffee passport and his apron in a little plastic bag on the desk and it made me cringe. I did not cringe at the thought of Timmy, or his 2-year-old daughter. I did not cringe at the violent death of a stranger or the crunching metal or the flashing lights or the shattered glass. I cringed at the thought of the little Starbucks pile I would make if I were dead today. Till tags labeled "Teter - #1 Barista." A coffee passport describing Black Apron Exclusive #3 as a "worm piss!!" A "mug award" for staying late to do a couple extra loads of dishes or something. I cringed at the green apron folded neatly over my tiny casket. The hands of my corpse clutching a tear-stained diploma.
The clock is ticking ladies and gentlemen. Can you hear it? Just over your shoulder?
Mae and I decided we would probably rather have a career where a) a $2 box of cereal can last less than a week with everything still being okay, and b) where crazyman cannot a)provide you the option of seeing their penis and/or b) take from you a significant part of one week's pay.
Remember the 13-14 hour day I was talking about? I was robbed twice in that day.
Some dude came into the German Village store and asked for a variety of whole beans to be broken down into half pounds and ground. While we were doing this, he disappeared from the store. He left without several half-pounds of coffee, but he managed to escape with a significant amount of cash from our tip jar. Hours later at the intersection of Morse Road and Hamilton, a woman came into the store asking for "a smooth coffee ground for a French press, and a bold ground for a flat-bottom." Sounds legit, right? While we were doing this for her, she also disappeared from the store, leaving us with a lot of wasted coffee and zero dollars in tips. They must have been making their rounds last night. A very lucrative career = $25 to $50 in tips per store X over one million Starbucks in Columbus (plus Cup O' Joe, who also reported money missing...)
Don't worry, these skanks will get what's comin' to 'em!
Is it bad to feel a tiny joy at the thought of the imminent eternal punishment of someone who has recently sinned against you? Especially when they have expressed a strong disbelief in Jesus and especially when you are doing dishes in the back of the store and this person is at the front counter? Nevermind. You don't have to answer that. (and for those of you just tuning in, it's not that I'm good or that this person is bad, obviously. it's not by works that you get into heaven at all. no, no it's by faith.)
(What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.)
(count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.)
Can I talk about birthin' babies and still say fucker?
I just spent a huge chunk of time constructing, for you, dear reader, a play-by-play of the grueling-but-hilarious birth of my first and only nephew, including quotes from hallucinating soon-to-be grandparents, Eve, God and the Stone Temple Pilots.
I was attacked by Pop-ups...a series of some sort of Casino advertisements...and sadly, all was lost. I even attempted to "Copy" during the last seconds, but when my computer recovered, there was nothing left to "Paste." Utter despair.
I have not the heart to recreate it, so know this.
Jacob Michael Teter was born Saturday shortly after 11am, after 27 hours of natural childbirth. No Epidural. No "Vicatin". No Morphine. Not even a handful of Tylenol. My sister-in-law Christy (Johnson) Teter is tough, and the thing that came out of her is beautiful. It could have been a lesson for us all.
And i don't care how much you love or hate kids. Hold a thiry-hour-old person and i promise that you'll want to make one too.
Now, I instruct you all to think of the crazy aunt or uncle you love, but would never want to be. Maybe an encouraging story or two of these people would help me recover in my time of loss.
I takes about five minutes for the mealworms to come alive. Herman is in my lap right now waiting patiently. The worms spend their life in the fridge, suspended in a kind of 'powersave' mode. They are too cold to move. Until i bring them out. Some of die instantly, while the others get to crawl a few steps into Prof. Herman's mouth.
There is one coming to life on the table now. He's moving his little legs in a way that makes him look like he's never walked before. Maybe these are his first steps of freedom. Not sure where he thinks he's going.
This must be what the devil feels like.
Seth is here typing stories for work on a laptop computer. I wanted to play grown-up and type my important documents, too. Alas, there is not much new or worthwhile to blog.
I watched Napoleon Dynamite again tonight. I think i want to re-name Herman Napoleon because of how ANGRY he is!!!!!!
Well.
ummmmmm....
I gotta go, i'm pretty much in the middle of a big bike race.
Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Klingler...please don't read this.
Since I'm up, there is one more thing I need to tell you.
The other day at work I opened with Olivia. She is very nice and once lived in the Grand Canyon. Anyway, SBUX policy says "open the doors ten minutes before posted open hours." We lock the doors ten minutes after official closing time, too. It's all part of the never-ending "surprise and delight" you feel in any corporate-breathed Starbucks atmosphere.
Dusk. Two sleepy-eyed baristas shuffle into work. One unwraps morning pastries while the other arranges a stack of Sunday New York Times to make room for Monday's edition. Outside, the spring rain pours down. Heavy.
Ten minutes before 6am. A young man, early thirties, in business attire, pounds on the door, mouthing "are you open yet?" to the baristas inside. The shift manager checks the clocks and unlocks the door, letting Handsome GQ in out of the pouring rain.
"You guys aren't set up yet, I can come back."
"No, it's fine. We have coffee brewed. We can make anything you need."
Long pause. Handsome GQ rubs his temples. The baristas notice that his black dress shirt and pants are soaked to the bone.
"Ok. Give me a minute."
"Take your time."
The baristas go back to unwrapping pastries, arranging newspapers, etc.
"You know, I don't think i'm actually going to get anything."
"Ok, it's really no problem."
"No, nevermind....Listen. You girls don't want to see my cock do you?"
Both baristas, sleepy and disoriented, stare blankly at the man. One giggles, assuring the other that she must have misheard. The man stares back at them for a moment, and getting no response, walks out of Starbucks, crossing the street slowly in the rain.
The baristas meet briefly and confirm that yes, he totally just said what we thought he said. The baristas remain bewildered and frightened the rest of the day. At least, they concluded, he gave them the option. They later learn that this is not always the case.
Also, Sean alerted us that a "vagrant" was sleeping in front of our door last night. In front as in inside the house, one door away from our sleeping bodies. Scary, huh? Seriously though I love Columbus.
Seriously, will someone take SNL back behind the old shed and finish the job? Just put her out of her misery. It's very sad and awkward for us all.
So the guy from Round House is on the show now. You know...'whenever my life gets me so down, i know i can go down...' with the neverending music and fun, etc. Or was he from Wild and Crazy Kids? No, no. I'm thinking of Omar. Omar Gooding. (Always.)
Dudes, Dudes. Remember Legends of the Hidden Temple? That shit was hard! No one ever beat that Talking Stone Hedge Guy. And those ultra-creepy temple guards and the tokens you paid make them to stop touching you? Man, good times. Physically and mentally stimulating, that show. Almost as good as GUTS. (Can i get me a piece o dat Aggro-Cragg?!)
Was I too old to be watching when these shows aired?
Anyway a little tip for all the soon-to-be woodworkers out there. If you choose to turn your bedroom into a woodshop, I only have one warning: chisels in the bed. watch for it.
Welcome to Daylight Savings Time, my pretties. And again, thank the Puritans for this added extra hour of sunlight. 'Twas by their icy hands that this machine was set into motion. A moment of reflection. aaaaaaaaaaaand thanks. (i promised myself i would never do that.)
Oh yeah. His name is Kenan Thomas and he stared in All That. Don't be misled, the show was not, in fact, all that.
Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.
Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.
Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.
Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.
Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.
Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.
Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.
Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.
Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.
Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.
Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.
Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.
Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.
Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.
Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.
Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.
Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.
Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.
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