Apparently, I hit the void button too many times, and the people at corporate are watching. That's right folks, as a Starbucks employee, you are only allowed to "line void" six percent of your transactions. Let's take a closer look at how this works.
Line voids are a convenient way to quickly change the size, flavor, or "excitement" of a drink without voiding the entire transaction. Consider this. Customer A enters the store, stares at the menu for a bit and finally decides on her usual, a venti caramel macciato. She says "i want a large caramel macciatto and a pumpkin scone," and I hit the corresponding buttons. Simple, huh? You'd think. But wait! Customer A then notices the pumpkin spice latte, our promotional drink of the week, and asks if it's too late to change her order. "Of course it's not," I say. We offer nothing less than legendary service. As a trained barista, i already have her previous items listed on my screen, so instead of writing the whole transaction off as a mistake, i can tap on the caramel maciatto, hit the "line void" button, and move on. Pumpkin scone is left untouched, and i can add the pumpkin spice latte, no prob. Handy, huh? A little too handy.
A sealed confidential letter arrived for me at work yesterday. Apparently, of my 1,835 lines of sale, I had voided 113 of them, or roughly 6.17% As a result, I had to have a meeting with my manager to discuss my frivolous use of the void key, I had to write an essay describing why my void percentage was over the Starbucks standard and I received a yellow Corrective Action paper that had to be signed and stated by my manager and me. Suffice to say, I have been warned.
So to all my little barista friends out there, they are not kidding at Starbucks. It is someone's job to count the number of times you hit that void button, and when you cross the line, they bring the heat.
Today the song of a tiny robin reminded me that I miss having emily blair in my life every day. No woman on this earth is more emotionally stable than this one, folks. All the catty, dreadful business of woman at their worst...emily was never like this. and she has really good taste in music. and she has a strong, healthy hatred for winter, as any good woman ought. i miss getting chai from the donkey with her. and one more thing: the sweaters. She has good sweaters and a reliable defuzzer that she gets really excited about. I miss Emily Blair.
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Mae came up from Porktown tonight. It was so rad. We made her eat at Thurman's in the Village. Together, our group consumed over 12/4 lbs of sweet beef talon.
"One thing I learned about Americans after Super Size Me," says Miss Klingler, Gi-junda burger in hand, grease dripping off the chin, "Portion size." Only it was more like "Pooshen eyes," on account of the cheeseburger the size of her head. I told Seth the story, but I don't think he heard me because he didn't laugh and his eyes were real bulgy and watery. A few hours later, he fell off the couch, and hasn't woken up since. MMMmmm, that coma is Thurmanbuger-licious.
Be Patient With Me - God ISn't Finished With Me Yet
I haven't actually typed words onto a computer screen for a very long time. I remember the spring, when I was an aspiring journalist, and i'd churn out two and three twenty-page papers a week. I was truly in the zone. Now I'm back to square one, where thinking and writing feels like it did in the third grade when we had to fill one notebook page of our journal before recess or we had to stand against the wall. Now that I think about it, that was kind of a mean thing to do. To fill the space, we used to add about three lines of "very" emphasis to each adverb. "I played outside last night. It was very very very very very very very very very very very.....very fun." Anyway, please don't hold me accountable for any of this. I'm in the coffee business now.
I am without cable, so I have to read the book. The funniest "Were you Aware?" that I read so far today is:
Were You Aware?
The President is not actually required to salute anybody. President George W. Bush does it regularly because it is one of the things he doesn't know.
also,
Were You Aware?
The fact that the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 is, by law, the only thing you are required to know about it.
Remember Christians, the only issues in this election are abortion and gay marriage. The Bible says nothing about poverty. Or the earth. Or careful analysis.
So like I was saying about Frankie Hejduk. We're best friends. He plays on the Crew team and also on little known soccer team called the USA National Soccer Team. He used to drink a simple doppio espresso, but he's moved on the the tall black eye, with our mild blend. The mild blend has more caffeine in it than the bolder coffees. You would think it would be less, but it's not. They roast the beans longer for the bolder taste, so more of the caffeine gets burned away, or at least that's how it's been explained to me. All this makes Frankie totally crazy on the field. After scoring, he breaks out into an outrageous reggae dance to honor Bob Marley, one of his idols.
After the Panama game I saw him and said "Close game last night, huh Frankie?" which was hilarious because US won 6-0. He laughed and said "yeah" and then I said, "My husband and I watched it at Damons until they flipped the channel and made us watch the debates - on mute." He said "oh yeah?" And then we talked a little bit more about the game and coffee and stuff. By the way, I work at Starbucks.
Seth hates blogs. I think that he would even put them on his list of things he would bomb if he were a terrorist, along with Easton, Wal-Mart, McDonalds, high fructose corn syrup and winter. (ATTN John Ashcroft, I said if he WERE a terrorist, and I assure you he is not planning on becoming one any time soon. He has stable employment with Fru-Fru Advertising in the Short North with Ricky. The Italian.)
I think this hatred may stem from the mild case of aspberger's disease he has acquired. What's aspberger's you say? well, it's like a mild case of autism, which makes a person incredibly sensitive to sound and light. this becomes a problem when he lives with me every day of his life. I come with both a lot of brightness, and as my girlfriends can attest, many, many noises. I give him five years in this thing before he goes crazy. or kills me. or both. either way, i must tell you about Frankie Hadyk. Tomorrow I will tell you about him. my husband beckons me away from this internet noise.
one time during the summer i was in the Wal-Mart at the Easton Towne Center. As i stepped out into the aisle, i saw in the distant horizon, (about two miles north toward the food section,) a pair of 200+ pound black women maneuvering a couple of those electric-powered carts down the middle of the store , (think "Rent-a-Rascal") do. as the couple approached, I noticed the two small boys they had with them who were being told to "grab a extra couple of them Nutty Bars for mama," to which the boys obeyed and grabbed two boxes each from the top of the wire bin to throw them into mama's cart.
Name: Seth
Alias: Teth Seter or Steter.
In Brief: The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to theteet.blogspot.com since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy.
Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get 'handsy.'
Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.
Name: Maybel
Alias: The Pig or Boobles.
In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006.
Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat.
Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, 'humping it out' and barfing.
Name: Amanda
Alias: The Sister.
In Brief: theteet's younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007.
Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds.
Loves: UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.
Name: mom and dad.
Alias: the 'rents.
In Brief: Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear.
Hates: hospitals.
Loves: squirrels and lattes.
Name: Mae
Alias: Klingler or Maddog.
In Brief: Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry.
Hates: Hate.
Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.
Name: Colleen
Alias: Crankin and Rankin.
In Brief: Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging.
Hates: all drivers.
Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.
Name: Talya
Alias: Strader and Sweet T.
In Brief: Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet's 'accountability partner.' collects monthly fee for keeping quiet.
Hates: people who do not comment on her blog.
Loves: social justice, eggs, her boyfriend monsterbeard and the occupation of barista.
Name: Chris
Alias: Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine.
In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of 'We once waited up in the dark with a gun,' and other misadventures.
Hates: people who are looking the other way.
Loves: history, film, his girlfriend Strader and acronyms.
Name: pdawg.
Alias: none needed.
In Brief: Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency.
Hates: anyone under the age of 35.
Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.
Name: Linsly.
Alias: MERLIN, lin or newbie.
In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He's like a brother.
Hates: sexual predators.
Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.
Name: jaydubs.
Alias: jwray and 10bagspacking.
In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world.
Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office.
Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.
Name: jessica.
Alias: jessm.
In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now.
Hates: poverty.
Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.
Name: brittiny.
Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap.
In Brief: Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take.
Hates: visible pany line.
Loves: cocktails, shoes, 'the blue box' and her boyfriend the Lizard.
Name: garth and jen.
Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere.
In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots.
Hates: local broadcast news reporters.
Loves: zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.
Name: Angie.
Alias: captain cool.
In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I've ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator.
Hates: joe and misogynists.
Loves: celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.
Name: Melville.
Alias: welcome to earf or bad town.
In Brief: Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me.
Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird.
Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.
Name: The Gerish.
Alias: The Gerish.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, you'll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall.
Hates: Things that aren't crackers.
Loves: crackers.
Name: Dennis.
Alias: secret reading.
In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you're lucky, he'll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won't. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming.
Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard.
Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachael. But not the one you're thinking of.
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